Lingering Still
by SpyKid18
Summary: Amidst all the changes that comes with life at NYADA, Rachel unexpectedly finds something familiar. ST. BERRY.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I absolutely adored that finale. After a somewhat disappointing season, I was glad to see that they ended it well. The flashbacks. The ending. It was perfect. It also opened up the perfect opportunity for us St. Berry fans to dream up how our power couple reunites. I'm sure I'm not the first person to do this synopsis, but I hope my version stands out. Enjoy.**

****Chapter One

Rachel lost a lot when she came to New York. She lost her friends. She lost her fiancé. She lost a life that she was content with – happy even. In the wake of all that loss, though, she found something even better. She found the passion and drive that had admittedly flagged during her time with the New Directions. All that time spent trying to fit in and give everyone an equal shot had worn her ambition down until it was a miracle that it was ever found again. Standing beneath those skyscrapers in her bright red coat, Rachel Berry felt like her true self had returned. The star was reborn, and she was ready to take the city by storm.

Naturally, the new found gusto diminished rather quickly when her parents kissed her good bye and she was left alone and friendless in the dorm. Never one adept at making friends, she found herself alone in her bedroom with her phone glued to her ear.

"You're going to be great," Kurt assured her. "You're where you belong, Rachel."

"I wish you were here with me," she admitted. "You _should_ be with me."

There was silence on the other end, and she knew how much hearing that must hurt him. She chastised herself silently for once again rubbing in his face how she was in New York and he was stuck in Lima.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"It's okay. NYADA wasn't the right path for me. I see that now. I have to find my own way."

"And you will," she said resolutely. "So, how-how's Finn?"

"He's good," Kurt said, voice betraying nothing.

"Has he enlisted yet?"

"No," Kurt said. "But he's planning on going later this week."

Rachel's eyes burned with all too familiar tears, and she wiped at them with the back of her hand.

"I can't call him," Rachel said. "I can't talk to him. I'd just cry."

"I know."

"But tell him I love him," she said. "Tell him…"

"I will," Kurt said gently. "I'll tell him."

"Good."

"You should go talk with people. Go claim your life, Berry."

"I don't know how," she admitted. "I have no idea how to be in this life. How to be this person."

"Just be yourself," he said. "It's what got you there."

She sniffled, tears dripping down her cheeks. Somehow, with a few clichéd phrases he had managed to calm her down.

"You know, Kurt Hummel, I sort of love you."

He chucked on the other end of the line. "You too, Berry. Now go. If you don't hang up, I will."

"Okay okay," she said, wiping at her nose with the heel of her hand. "Good night, Kurt."

"'Night Rachel."

She clicked off the call, her chest constricting at the sudden silence. She pulled her knees into her chest, wiggling her toes into the pink comforter. She was in a dorm full of students, and yet had no one to talk to. She was in a hallway lined with people like her but she had no idea what to do with them, no clue as to how to bridge the gap between them all. And then she heard it. Outside, the dulcet tones of Judy Garland sounded, just as welcome as water in a drought or food in a famine. She rose from her bed and padded to the doorway, opening the door just enough to peek her head outside. In the common area a group of girls were seated, _Meet Me In St. Louis_ playing on one of their laptops. She went to close the door but then hesitated, Kurt's words ringing in her ears.

_Go claim your life, Berry._

She took a deep breath and then opened the door, walking out into the common area where the girls were seated. One looked at her with a pleasant enough smile. Another deep breath and Rachel took the plunge.

"Mind if I join you?"

* * *

In the week following the start of classes, Rachel Berry had succeeded in socializing herself. After her first foray into dorm relations - the fated _Meet Me In St. Louis _screening on whom she learned was soprano Megan's Macbook – Rachel had found herself with a rather impressive group of new friends. Megan's roommate Sissy was a budding character actor, with a contraband Crockpot kept under her bed for any pressing fondue needs. Farther down the hall was soprano Paige with the pageboy haircut, dramatist River with the penchant for Victorian garb and the diminutive alto Carla. There were others that Rachel met throughout the week, but it was these five girls with whom Rachel had forged that initial bond.

The first day of class was not without its nerves, and even the ever-confident River seemed on edge. She pulled at the lace sprouting at the end of her sleeves as they all walked to the building together. A musical theater orientation was the first meeting of the day. There the curriculum and expectations would be discussed with the students, as well as information on the shows that would be cast.

The orientation was held in the auditorium, and Rachel filed in with her other musical theater chums. They were ten minutes early and already the first eight or nine rows had filled.

"Maybe we should have left earlier," River said, settling down into a seat. "I wanted to be in the fifth row. It's my lucky row."

"This one's fine," Rachel said, her eyes scanning the rows of people in front of them. "We're already in. We don't need lucky rows."

"Look at all these people," River said slowly, face draining of color. "Everyone as talented as you. As driven and focused as you, too. All of us with that same thirst for the stage. For the spotlight. It's going to be an absolute bloodbath at audition time."

"See, this is why you're the dramatist," their friend Megan said, settling on Rachel's other side. "Why are you even in this orientation?"

"I'm a double major," River said. "Playwriting and vocal performance."

"Double edged sword," Megan noted. "You can write and perform the lines. I would keep that quiet. Could be your secret weapon in the so-called blood bath."

Rachel listened to their convivial bickering, the back and forth not too far from what she had witnessed with the New Directions members. She let her eyes scan over the group of students again, and felt something twist uncomfortably in her stomach when she recognized the back of a particular head at the side of the auditorium. He was sitting in the third row, four seats from the end. He wasn't talking to anyone, face pointing straight ahead so that she could only see the back of his head and a bit of his shoulders. Even with that little, though, she recognized him immediately. She craned her neck, trying to get a better look. All she could see was his hair, though, until the person beside him said something and he turned to reveal his profile. Although she had known it was him, she still gasped.

"Are you okay?" Megan asked, looking at her strangely.

"What?" Rachel pulled her attention from him, flushing slightly at being caught. "Did you say something?"

"You're acting strange," Megan said slowly. "Well, as strange as you can seem to someone who's only known you for a week."

"I, uh, saw someone I used to know," Rachel said, glancing back at where he sat. "Well, I guess it's someone I _know_, present tense. I never really stopped knowing him."

River narrowed her eyes. "Are we talking biblical knowing here?"

"No!" Rachel said immediately. "I mean, almost, but that is completely beside the point and unnecessary. He went to my high school for a while. That's all I mean."

"Were you guys friends?" River asked. Before Rachel could answer, Megan interjected, "Probably more, considering the whole almost biblically knowing him thing."

"We dated," Rachel said. "Briefly. It's all very complicated."

"Sure sounds like it," Megan said. She grinned wide. "I definitely want an introduction."

Rachel went to say something when the director of the program stepped in front of the podium and tapped on the microphone. Everyone's attention went toward the stage, eyes glued to the woman in the poorly tailored suit as if she were Louis B. Mayer himself.

"Ladies and gentleman, my name is Hilary Primpton and I am the director of the musical theater program here at the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts. It is not an easy task to get here and I'd like to congratulate you all for making it this far. I will tell you right now, some of you will not make it any farther. Our program is grueling. We do not coddle. Criticism is quick and often. It is our job as teachers to push and challenge you to be the absolute best performer that you can be. If you can manage the four years, you will leave with the knowledge that you received the absolute best training available. If you don't, well, I hear retail offers adequate health benefits. Even an occasional paid vacation. If you work hard there is no reason you should not succeed here. We hand picked you, after all. We took only the best and we expect nothing less from you. So, today your journey begins."

Rachel listened with bated breath as the curriculum was described in detail. She was moderately sure she would be dry heaving into wastebaskets from stress, but she would be damned if she wasn't excited. This was her future. This was where she belonged. As the orientation came to a close, she found her eyes returning to where he sat. She debated whether or not she should try to approach him. Their last meeting had been cordial, after all. Talking in Chicago, it had almost been like they were friends. She decided that she would go after him. She would say hello, if nothing else.

When they were dismissed, she moved down the aisle, mumbling a quick excuse to Megan and River, and made her way against the flow of students toward where he had been seated. She received a few disgruntled asides as she pushed through the crowd, but Rachel was skilled at pointedly not hearing what others said. Years of walking the halls of McKinley High had trained her well in that. Despite her adept navigation through the crowd, his seat was empty when she finally reached his aisle. She frowned, pausing for a moment before turning around and following the crowd out of the auditorium.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for your feedback on that last chapter! I hope that you enjoy this one just as much!**

Chapter Two

Her parents called her on the morning of her first class, putting her on speaker phone so that both could offer her soothing words and encouragement. She listened as she put on her make up, smiling at their encouraging words and penchant for speaking over one another.

"Darling," Hiram began. "You are going to be absolutely wonderful. These other kids aren't-"

"You just go in there and show them what Rachel Berry has to offer," Leroy interrupted. "They'll be-"

"They won't know what hit 'em, sweetie," Hiram announced loudly. "Won't know what hit 'em!"

"No, they won't," Leroy agreed.

"I'll be fine," Rachel said, applying her mascara. She pushed the wand back into the tube and screwed it shut. "I belong here."

"Yes you do," both of her fathers said with as much conviction as she had.

"And we are so proud of you sweet heart," Leroy said. After him, Hiram echoed, "So proud."

"I love you both," Rachel said. "Alright, I have to head out for class. Wish me luck?"

"Not a chance," Leroy retorted. "Berry's don't need luck."

"Hard work and talent is all you need," Hiram said. "Just so happens you have both, sweets. Luck can go-"

"Enough, Hiram, the girl needs to go," Leroy interrupted. "Rachel, dear, you go enjoy yourself. And remember, we love you very much."

Rachel grinned. "I will talk to you both afterwards."

She clicked out of the phone call and set her phone on the dresser, picking up the brush and running it through her hair one last time. In the silence of her room, nerves on end, she felt the pang of Finn's absence. His solid presence would have been soothing in the moments before this new experience. He had a way of calming her down, making her see what was really important in all of her hysteria. His absence cut her like a knife, and for the first time since she settled in New York, she found herself questioning her decision. Should she have held her ground? Fought for him more?

She didn't answer her own question, as there was a knock on the door. She pulled it open to reveal Megan and River, both of them smiling nervously.

"You ready, Rachel?"

Pushing Finn from her mind, Rachel nodded. "Yeah. Let's go."

* * *

Her first class was introduction to drama, a sort of Acting 101 which made her more nervous than she would admit. For all of her putting on at McKinley, she never felt very comfortable acting. It was in song that she found comfort. Acting was a whole different thing. Dancing, well, that was a whole different continent but she wouldn't have to face that until later.

Still, she told herself that she would not have been admitted if they did not see potential. There was no reason for her to be afraid or self-conscious. She belonged there, and told herself it repeatedly as she walked with River and Megan across campus. Inwardly she chanted:

_I belong here._

_I belong here._

_I belong here._

The chanting stopped when she spotted him, because a different sort of inner monologue revolving around obsessing over his every detail began, and she found it was near impossible to maintain two internal monologues at the same time. He was about eight or nine feet in front of her, walking with another guy. He was in jeans a dark button up. Clearly the monochromatic look had stuck, but she couldn't deny that it worked.

For some reason, she immediately began to pray that he wouldn't be in her class. Something about him being in a class that she was insecure about irked her. She didn't want him there where she could very well struggle. He had never seen her struggle before – not artistically. Even when they had lost to Vocal Adrenaline, it had not been from a poor performance. They had performed admirably. Vocal Adrenaline simply had superior choreography. And him. As much as she loved Finn, the two couldn't compare in a sing-off.

He walked into the same building as her. Took the stairs up to the same floor. She had just about resigned herself to him walking into the same classroom. He walked right past it, though, continuing down the hallway with the other guy. She let out a breath that she hadn't realized she was holding, and felt her nerves settle somewhat as she settled into a seat near the front of the classroom with Megan and River.

"Do you think we'll be doing Shakespeare in here?" Megan asked. "Because I can't stand Shakespeare."

In her Victorian garb, River not surprisingly retorted, "Shakespeare is dramatic genius."

"Says the girl dressed like it's Halloween."

"It's called being eccentric. I'm a writer. It's what we do."

"Rachel," Megan said. "Play the arbitrator, please."

"I'm not the biggest fan," Rachel admitted. "But I did like _Twelfth Night_. I also liked the Amanda Bynes version with Channing Tatum."

"Is that the one where they're sticking tampons up their noses?" Rachel nodded and Megan laughed. "Classic."

"No, not classic," River said. "They don't even speak in verse."

Rachel smirked as the two of them continued to argue over the merits of the Amanda Bynes Shakespeare-inspired film. Someone walked into the room and she casually glanced up, mouth dropping open when she found herself looking directly at Jesse St. James.

Her mouth opened and closed like a guppy. She had seen him walk past the classroom. With her own two eyes she had seen it happen. A number of explanations came to mind. He had been lost. The bathroom was down the hall. Any of those could be true, and yet none changed the fact that he was there now. He was there, staring at her with one of the widest grins she had ever seen grace his face.

He came over to her, taking the seat in front of her. Every muscle in her body seemed to tense, and she wondered where that ease she felt in Chicago went. It had been nothing to talk to him then. What had happened to her since then?

"So, you got in," Jesse said. "I thought you had, but I couldn't know for sure."

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Well, I'm in the class."

"But, you're not a student," she said, not understanding. Last she knew, he was a glee club coach with an aggravating penchant for neck scarves.

"I am now. Got my audition set in the knick of time."

"But what about Vocal Adrenaline?"

"It was time to pass on the torch," he said grandly, physically miming the passing of the torch. Rachel snorted.

"You mean the winning streak ended?"

He smirked. "Yes, it did. Thanks to you."

"It was my team and I," Rachel corrected him. He shook his head, though, and said, "No, it was you. That rendition of _It's All Coming Back To Me Now_ was flawless."

"Flawless," Rachel said, smiling a bit. "Quite a compliment coming from you."

"I give them when they're due. And that was a spectacular performance."

"Rachel, care to introduce us to your friend?" Megan asked obviously, setting them with a chesire grin.

"Oh, he's really not-"

"I'm Jesse St. James," he interrupted smoothly. "Rachel and I went to high school together."

Megan's eyes widened for a moment as she put two and two together. With the knowledge that this was the boy involved with the almost-biblical-knowing, she looked at him with new eyes.

"I'm Megan Martin," she said, extending a hand. He shook it with a small grin and he replied, "That's a good name."

"Likewise, Jesse St. James."

River introduced herself next. With a last name lacking in alliteration, she received no such praise from Jesse.

"So, you were a glee club coach?" Megan asked interestedly.

"Yes. Vocal Adrenaline in Lima, Ohio."

Megan's screwed her mouth to the side as she thought. After a moment she pointed at him triumphantly and said, "That's how I know you! Bohemian Rhapsody. About two years ago?"

"Three," he corrected. "And yes, that was me."

"That was an amazing performance."

"It's one of my fonder memories of that year," he said, glancing toward Rachel.

"Were you there for it?" Megan asked Rachel.

"Yeah," Rachel said, feeling an uncomfortable weight on her chest when she thought about that day. That year. "I was there."

Megan caught something in her new friend's voice and thought it was perhaps prudent to not ask any further. When she changed the subject, Rachel visibly relaxed. The teacher came in and Jesse turned around. Rachel found the back of his head irksome.

"Alright, we'll start off slow," the teacher, Mr. Katz, said. "We're going to do a simple expression exercise. I will call out an emotion and you will go with whatever expression comes to you first. No changing otherwise I'll make you come up to the front and complete the exercise in front of everyone."

Rachel decided then that she would sooner sit in a burning building than change her expression.

"Alright, let's get started with something easy. Joy."

Rachel smiled brilliantly, imagining a reunion that she knew wouldn't come.

"Let's go the other direction. Despair."

Rachel followed her previous train of thought, imagining Finn running beside the train as she left Lima. Her eyes were trained on the back of Jesse's head, though, and she found her mind drifting to other thoughts: An egg breaking on her head; his smug expression as he held the trophy over his head; him leaving. Always leaving.

"Wonderful!" Mr. Katz exclaimed, gesturing toward Rachel. She blinked rapidly in surprise, smiling slightly. Jesse turned and gave her a quick grin. Mr. Katz clapped his hands together and said, "Alright, let's see angry!"

They continued on for a while, one emotion after another. While she felt ridiculous for most of the exercise, she did feel some of inhibition strip away as she saw everyone else's ridiculous faces.

"Good job everyone," Mr. Katz said. "Now that you're all properly warmed up, it's time to get into the real meat of this class. Each week you will be tackling a scene. Some weeks it will be a monologue, other weeks you with either one or more of your classmates. Scenes are distributed on Monday and performed for the class on Friday."

Mr. Katz began to distribute the scenes, writing out the groups on the board. He spared them a monologue for the first week, but warned that would come next week barring nuclear warfare or natural disaster. Rachel watched the groups form, not at all surprised to find Jesse in hers.

Jesse turned as they gathered their belongings at the end of class and joked, "Together again Berry, huh?"

"It would appear so."

There was another girl in their group, Hannah Parker, and she came to join them as they compared schedules and set up times to meet. Rachel noticed the way that Hannah gazed at Jesse, lips softly parted. She smirked, but it faltered when she noticed that several other girls in the classroom were looking at him with the _same_ glazed over look. What was it about him that reduced strong independent women to sycophant doormats?

"Alright, so we'll meet tomorrow at three," Jesse said. "Should we be memorized by then?"

"Of course we should be," Rachel said crisply. "It's only three pages. We should be memorized."

"Okay then. Memorized it is. Is that okay with you, Hannah?"

She nodded silently.

"Alright, well, I'll see you both tomorrow."

Hannah nodded again without a word and then raced toward the door, her friends waiting for her outside the doorway. Rachel shook her head slightly and said, "If we got stuck with a mute we should complain."

Jesse snorted. "I think you intimidated her."

"Me? No, she was blinded by all of…" she made a sort of gesturing motion in front of him, "…this."

"Okay, now you're the crazy one."

"If her eye could have had an actual gleam in it – it would have gleamed for you."

He rolled his eyes, laughing. "Whatever you say, Rachel. So, where did your friends go off to?"

She looked around, surprised to see that Megan and River had left.

"Oh, um, I guess they left. Maybe their class was farther from here. They have dance next."

"I don't have that until after lunch, thankfully," Jesse said. Not having dance until after lunch, too, she began hoping fervently that he wasn't in there with her. If she was insecure about her acting, she was mortified about her dancing.

"Where are you headed?" she asked.

"Vocal lessons. You?"

"Same," she said. And then lunch. And then the dance class where she was becoming increasingly positive they shared. Of course they would have the same schedule. Of course.

"Looks like we'll be seeing a lot of each other," he said, knocking his elbow into hers. She nodded and offered him a weak smile.

"Yep. Seems that way."

**A/N: See all that wonderful St. Berry interaction? That is only a taste of what is to come! If you want to see another chapter, click on that review button and tell me what you thought of this one!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews on the first two chapters. I have been blown away by the interest in this story. I hope that you enjoy this chapter!**

Chapter Three

"Guess who's here," Rachel said, stretching out on her bed with her phone on speakerphone beside her.

"Barbra Streisand."

"No, Kurt, why would Barbra Streisand be at NYADA?"

"I don't know, as an adjunct professor or something?"

"No, it wasn't Barbra Streisand."

"Liza Minelli?"

"Again, why would she be at NYADA? Would you just let me tell you who it was?"

"You told me to guess," Kurt threw back.

"Yeah, I didn't mean for you to actually guess. Anyway, can we get to the main event please?"

"Fine," Kurt said. "Who is it?"

Rachel paused for dramatic effect. "Jesse St. James."

"Shut the front door!" Kurt exclaimed.

Rachel sat up on the bed, pulling her knees to her chest. "Right? I almost thought I was hallucinating when I saw him!"

"How'd you meet? Both of you reach for the same piece of music?"

"This isn't some meet-cute, Kurt," she said, rolling her eyes. "Its Jesse. No meet-cutes."

"You're right," he sighed. "Sorry, when my mind sniffs out a rom-com setting it sort of goes haywire. Anyway, back to the story."

"We have the exact same schedule," Rachel said. "Every single class."

"Yes, that is typically what exact same schedule means."

"Look, I'm over what we had," Rachel said. "Obviously I am over it. But, seeing him every single minute of the day? Not easy."

"Is he being a jerk or something?"

She thought of them walking to class together and eating lunch at the same table. She wished he was being a jerk. That was something actually valid to complain about.

"He's nice. He's always nice."

"A pointed nice?"

She wrinkled her nose and asked, "What's a pointed nice?"

"You know, like he's only doing it to get something else."

"Oh," she said, reaching forward and picking at some nail polish on her toe. "No, it's just plain ol' kindness. And it's driving me crazy."

Kurt was quiet for a bit before he asked, "Do you maybe think you're having feelings for him again?"

"No," Rachel said immediately. "I love Finn."

"Of course," Kurt said quickly, feeling silly for bringing it up in the first place. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"It's fine," she said.

"He asked about you," Kurt said. "Wanted to know how you were. He figured I'd be talking to you so…"

"What did you tell him?"

"That you were happy," Kurt said.

"Good." That was all he ever wanted for her in the end; for her to be happy.

"So, what are you going to do about Jesse?"

"There's not much to do. We're friends now, I guess. Or we're going to be. We're doing this skit together this week with another girl, so I'll be seeing even more of him."

"Verdict on the other girl?"

"Good diction. Bad everything else."

"Oohh, dish," Kurt said excitedly. Since he didn't get into NYADA, one of his favorite things to do with Rachel was to bash the other students. Yes, he knew it wasn't the healthiest way to cope but it sure did make him feel better.

"She has absolutely no range," Rachel said, recalling their first rehearsal. "And she was incapable of memorizing a three page skit in which she spoke for a grand total of eight lines."

Kurt snorted. "Amateur."

"She's nice, though," Rachel said. "Everyone here is nice. I thought it'd be catty but it's not."

"Just wait until the first show is cast," Kurt said. "The bloodbath will begin."

She laughed and said, "You're probably right."

"You really do sound happy," he noted.

Rachel smiled softly and replied, "I am."

* * *

The next morning Rachel met with Jesse and Hannah for a quick rehearsal before their skit was to be performed. Hannah still had a few memorization issues (Rachel had Herculean patience and did not say anything) but other than that the rehearsal went well. The three of them walked to class. Jesse took his now usual seat beside Rachel, launching into a conversation about the merits of Sondheim versus Andrew Lloyd Weber.

"If you look at wins and losses, Sondheim comes out ahead," Jesse said.

"But Andrew Lloyd Weber has _Evita_," Rachel argued. "And _Cats_, the longest touring show in the history of theater. I haven't even mentioned _Phantom_."

"But there is also _Love Never Dies_. And although_ Cats_ fares well in the box office, it is a bit dated."

"It is not."

"You two calm down," Megan said. "You're making my blood pressure rise."

"What's your verdict?" Jesse asked with an easy grin.

"I'm a Stephen Schwartz girl myself," she replied. "But I'm not nearly versed enough to debate it with you Broadway kooks."

"I'm on Rachel's side," River intoned, although her opinion wasn't sought. "Andrew Lloyd Weber is a visionary."

"I agree with Jesse," Hannah piped in. Rachel cast her a look and thought, _of course you do_.

Mr. Katz walked in, nodding to a few students before settling at his desk and asking, "So, will I be amazed or horrified today by your pieces?"

By the end of class, the verdict was unclear. The pieces were evenly split down the middle, one end being enjoyable, the other being so painful that Rachel wondered how they ever got into the program. Her and Jesse's piece was last, and Rachel felt her nerves pull tight like a violin string as she walked to the front of the classroom.

Her and Jesse exchanged a small nod with Hannah, and they launched into the skit. It started off shakily, Hannah a bit slow with her lines. Once she settled into the pace of the exchange, though, Rachel saw her relax and her performance opened up. Rachel was stiff herself in the beginning, but after her first line with Jesse she felt herself relax into the piece. Jesse was polished as ever, teasing and caressing each line as he threw them out. She could practically see the other girls in the room salivate, and she couldn't entirely blame them. He was magnificent on stage. She had seen it herself all those years ago; and the time had served to only strengthen his stage presence. They reached the end of the piece and there was a beat of silence before applause.

"Wonderful job," Mr. Katz said, nodding appreciatively. "Really wonderful job, guys." He turned his attention to the rest of the class and said, "Well, that just about does it for today. Enjoy your weekend. New skits are passed out on Monday."

"Good job, Rachel," Megan said, gathering her things. She leaned in and added softly, "You and Jesse? Chemistry off the charts!"

"Sshhh," Rachel said quickly, glancing toward Jesse. He was oblivious to their exchange, talking with the girl beside him.

"I want to see you two in a love scene. It'd be freaking amazing."

"Well, I'd rather not," Rachel said primly. "Believe me, that is water under the bridge."

Jesse rose from his seat, messenger bag slung over his shoulder. He glanced down at Rachel and said, "You ready?"

Rachel nodded, slipping her notebook into her bag. Megan looked between them and remarked, "Water under the bridge, huh?"

Rachel shot her a look. Her foot itched to impart a sharp kick to someone's shin but she abstained.

"Bye Megan," she said pointedly. Megan smiled sweetly and cooed, "Bye, you two!"

"Water under the bridge," Jesse remarked. "What did that mean?"

"Inside joke," Rachel answered quickly.

"Ah, I see. So, the piece went well."

"Yes, it did."

"Hannah did remarkably well. I wasn't sure from our rehearsals, but she came through."

Rachel nodded, biting back a frown that seemed to come naturally with any mention of Hannah from his mouth.

"Yes," she said. "We all did remarkably well."

He grinned at that and said, "With us it was unquestionable. So, any preferences for who you get paired up with next week?"

"Hopefully no one from the first group," she said. Jesse snorted and she said, "They really were horrible, weren't they?"

"Not the best representation of NYADA standards."

"Sometimes I wonder how Kurt didn't get in," she said, shaking her head. "He's better than half the people here."

"You miss him, don't you?" Jesse noted.

"I miss everyone," she admitted. "It's hard being away from everything you know."

"I'm surprised you didn't bring Hudson along. Keep him in your dorm room like an Orlando Bloom poster."

His voice was laced with humor, goading smile pulling at his mouth until he saw the way that Rachel seemed to visibly shrink beside him. It didn't take much insight to see that her and the great Finn Hudson had gone caput, even while she still wore his ring.

"You two are no longer together," he said carefully. She nodded, sniffing a bit to herself.

"It's not what you think," Rachel said, imagining all the histrionic ends Jesse had dreamt up for them.

"What happened?"

"Well, I nearly derailed my entire life," Rachel said. She caught the look that flashed on his face and added, "I don't mean by marrying him. I'd still do that in a heartbeat." She twisted the ring around her finger. "When him and Kurt didn't get into NYADA I was heartbroken. Sometimes I think even more so than they were. I was going to defer my acceptance for a year and help them with their applications."

"That's insane," Jesse said, before he could stop himself. His eyes widened and he quickly went to apologize when she silenced him with her hand.

"You're right," she said. "It was insane, and Finn saw that. I didn't. I was too terrified at the prospect of life without them, and I panicked. I set my sights on helping them and no one could talk me out of it."

"You wouldn't be you if you weren't stubborn," he noted wryly.

"A week later I thought we were driving to our wedding. I was jabbering on about our future and what it meant when he pulled into the train station. He told me that he wouldn't let me sacrifice my dreams for him." She felt the tears come and agitatedly wiped at her eyes. She hated crying in front of him, but this story didn't come without tears. "The entire team was on the platform to see me off. I took the train to New York where my parents were waiting, and here I am."

"You didn't want to try long distance?"

"He didn't want me distracted," she said, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand. "And he…"

"He what?"

They reached a bench and she sat down, her head feeling too heavy for her neck. She always found it taxing to relay this particular part of the story, but it was even worse relaying it to Jesse. She wondered why she was even doing it.

"He enlisted in the army," she said, voice thick. Jesse sat beside her and laid a tentative had on her shoulder. She tensed at first but then her shoulder slackened beneath his hand. "He said a clean break would be easier for both of us. We would find who we both were outside of the relationship, and if in four years we still found our way back to each other, that would mean that we were meant to be together. If not…"

"He's right," Jesse said, the words sounding strange coming from his mouth. "If you two are really meant to be together, you'll be brought together again. You have to have faith in that."

"You're not insulting him for once," she noted. "This is strange and mildly uncomfortable."

He chuckled, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze. "I just want to see you happy. If he does that, then who am I to object?"

"That's never stopped you from objecting before."

Jesse shrugged. "I've grown up."

"You have?"

"I'm not the only one," Jesse noted. "If this were you last year, you'd be dreaming up some scheme to bring him back."

Rachel laughed. "You're right. I probably would."

"Well, we better get going. Lessons start in ten minutes."

Rachel nodded, rising with him from the bench. They walked the rest of the way in silence, her eyes drifting to his face every now and then. She thought of their conversation and wondered if it was some play by him. Could he really be that sincere about her and Finn? She knew he had grudgingly accepted them, but this was something entirely different. It wasn't reluctant acceptance. It was something more. She glanced at his face again and became startled by a realization.

It was friendship.

**A/N: MAKE SURE TO READ THIS: I'm setting up a posting schedule for this so that you know when to look for updates. This will be updated on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. This way you won't be looking for updates on days when there definitely will not be one :D**

**How did you all like this one? I have some fun things planned for the next chapter! Please leave feedback!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I hope you all enjoy this chapter :D**

Chapter Four

Rachel walked down the hallway, music clutched in her hand as she searched for an open practice room. They were nearing their first performance and the practice rooms had all filled up. As she neared the hallway, she heard a familiar voice singing an all too familiar song. She stood outside the doorway for a moment, eyes drifting shut as she let herself be taken back to that music store. She felt the same rush as his voice caressed the lyrics, but it was fleeting this time. Before there was nothing to temper the effects of his voice, but there was now. There was no history then. Now, it bled into everything.

She gingerly opened the door and stepped in. He was seated at the piano, hands resting on the keyboard. He looked up at her in surprise and she murmured, "Nice song choice. Very subtle."

"Believe it or not, my teacher chose the song. I had nothing to do with it."

"Of course he did."

"She, actually," he corrected lightly. "Jessica Ram. She was in the first touring cast of _Rent_."

"Lead or chorus member-understudy?"

"She was Maureen," he answered easily. "Received personal coaching from Idina Menzel."

Rachel grinned. "Okay. I am officially impressed."

"What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for a practice room," she said, giving her sheet music a little wave. "Performances are next week and all."

"Are they all taken?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I should have known better than to come after ten. People tend to stake these out."

"I'm pretty much done here if you want mine," he said. "I was just going to run the song another few times, but I'm probably good for today."

"You don't mind?"

Jesse hesitated for a moment and then said, "Not if you let me stay."

"You want to stay?"

"I always liked to watch you perform," he answered reasonably. "You're a gifted performer, Rachel."

"I don't know," she said slowly, shifting her weight. "I'm still not very polished and-"

"I can be of help," he suggested. "Give you some constructive criticism? Isn't that supposed to be a part of NYADA? A community of like-minded and gifted classmates to help each other develop their talents?"

"I don't remember reading that anywhere in the brochure."

Jesse laughed, nodding his head. "Alright, I can see when my help is not wanted. I'll get out of your hair."

"Jesse, I-"

"No, don't worry about it," he said, standing up from the piano bench. "Sometimes independent study is required. I'll just-"

"Sit down," she said, stepping forward. "You can play for me."

He smiled slightly and asked, "Is this an invitation to stay?"

She set up the music at the piano and said, "Well, I'm not telling you to leave. You have to promise to be nice, though."

"Aren't I always?"

"There are some parts in this that still need work."

"It's a work in progress," he retorted, sitting down at the piano. "You told me all of this. I promise to only be constructive."

"Alright," she said, taking a deep breath, pushing the air through pursed lips. He smirked, shaking his head a bit at her dramatics. "Do you need to vocalize first?"

"That won't be necessary," she said.

"Are you sure? It's useful to stretch your voice a bit before diving into a song."

"I stretched my voice at the dorms," Rachel said. Jesse grinned, imagining the other student's faces upon hearing Rachel stretching her voice in the morning. She had a beautiful voice, but it was also relatively loud.

"Any complaints?"

"There was some knocking from above me," Rachel admitted. "But I doubt that was about me."

"Oh, of course not," he said, smirking.

"Alright, let's begin. I have a lot of work to do."

Jesse took a minute to scan the music, picking up the key, and then began to play. She felt her stomach curl as her entrance approached. It was a more difficult piece than she normally would have chosen, but she had wanted to impress the other students. She wanted to show them that she belonged there as much as all of them. He glanced toward her at her entrance and she began.

_In a very unusual way, one time I needed you_

_In a very unusual way, you were my friend_

_Maybe it lasted a day_

_Maybe it lasted an hour_

_But somehow it will never end_

Something about the lyrics felt different with him at the piano. If she were being honest, she had thought of Finn when she chose the song. The lyrics seemed to fit them perfectly, but with Jesse beside her, the lyrics twisted.

_In a very unusual way, I think I'm in love with you_

_In a very unusual way, I want to cry_

_Something inside me goes weak_

_Something inside me surrenders_

_And you're the reason why_

_And you're the reason why_

He picked up the tempo, something she hadn't done before, but she felt herself pulled along with the energy and drive of the chorus. In a decidedly not unusual way, his interpretation of the piece was correct.

_You don't know what you do to me_

_You don't have a clue_

_You don't can't tell what it's like to be me, looking at you_

_It scares me so, that I can hardly speak_

His eyes were following the music, but she noticed him glance at her every few bars. Even as his eyes left the music, his fingers didn't make a single mistake.

_In a very unusual way, I owe what I am to you_

_Thought at times it appears I won't stay, I never go_

_Special to me in my life_

_Since the first day that I met you_

_How could I ever forget you, once you had touched my soul?_

_In a very unusual way, you made me whole_

The room fell silent, and she waited for his reaction. She found herself needlessly nervous, her fingers pulling at the hem of her skirt. He glanced up from the music, eyes unreadable, and murmured, "Rachel, that was beautiful."

She let out a shaky breath, face breaking into a grin. "Really?"

"Drop the false modesty," he said with a grin. "You know it was beautiful."

"I honestly didn't," she said. "This is different from what I usually sing."

"You're right," he said after a moment. "It's softer. Not your usual big belter song."

"It wasn't too soft, was it?" she asked quickly. "Because, I still want to have power and-"

"It was perfect, Rachel," he said. "You were perfect."

She flushed, averting her eyes. "I wouldn't say perfect, Jesse."

"Well, I would. You're going to blow them all away."

She grinned, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Thank you, Jesse. I appreciate you giving me your opinion."

"My pleasure," he answered smoothly. "Can I ask what made you choose this song? You're right, it is different from what you usually choose."

She thought of her initial draw to the lyrics, but instead told him, "I was going through a Laura Benanti phase. It was either this or _Model Behavior_ so…"

He laughed. "Now, I would have gone with _Model Behavior_. You play neurotic so well."

She gave him a look, lips pressed into a smirk. "Very funny, Jesse."

"Well, it's a good different. You're growing as a performer."

"And you go back to singing Lionel Richie," she teased.

"I like to think of it as coming full circle," he said. "Besides, it's not a duet this time. Therefore, it is quite different."

She nodded, something in his voice making her palms itch. "Yeah. It is."

"Anyway, I'll get out of your hair now," he said, rising from his seat.

"You don't have any constructive criticism for me?"

He glanced at her and said, "Wear that green dress you have for the performance. They won't be able to take their eyes off of you."

She felt every nerve stand on end as he stepped around her and left the room.

* * *

Later that day Rachel sat in her room, flipping through an issue of Vogue, when there was a knock on her door. She got up from her bed and padded over to the door. Megan was on the other side, mouth pulled into a wide grin.

"What's going on?" Rachel asked.

"Get some shoes on," Megan said excitedly. "There is an adventure to be had?"

"An adventure?"

"No time for questioning, Berry," Megan said, stepping past her and grabbing a pair of flip flops that rested beside the bed. "Put these on."

Rachel gave her a look as she took them and slipped the shoes on. She planted her hands on her hips and said, "Alright, shoes on. Now, care to explain what this adventure is."

"It's a surprise," Megan said. "But believe me, it's a good surprise."

"I don't like surprises," Rachel said, squeaking a bit when Megan grabbed her arm and pulled her forward. "It makes me all nervous and my skin gets splotchy. I break out into a sweat. Surprises and me really don't mix."

She saw a group of other students waiting for them, Jesse standing near the back. She waved toward him and said, "Jesse, you'll tell us where we're going!"

"Don't you dare," Megan hissed. She perked up as she exclaimed, "It's more fun this way!"

"And why is that?"

"Because you freaking out is sort of hilarious," Megan answered happily, linking her arm with Rachel's. "Now, come on, we don't want to be late!"

* * *

One train and an additional bus ride later, Rachel was standing in front of an old theater, face titled upward as she read the name on the marquee.

"This is the best surprise ever," she breathed out.

Jesse grinned, stepping beside her. "I thought you'd like it. I mean, it's not every day you see _Funny Girl_ on the big screen."

Rachel glanced at him and said, "This was your idea?"

"I read about it in the newspaper," he said. "This theater is a landmark. It was built in the 1920s and showed all the big movies. I think it even had a few premieres. Anyway, they play old movies every Saturday night. This week's show was _Funny Girl_."

"We better head in if we want good seats together," Megan said.

Rachel pulled out her phone and said, "I'll be right in. I need to send Kurt a picture of this."

The others headed in, Jesse hanging back as she took a photo of the marquee and typed a quick message accompanying it to Kurt. Jesse stuck his hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels.

"That's nice," he said, jutting his chin toward her phone.

"What's nice?"

"That you guys are still so close. I wish I had that."

She smirked. "With all your wonderful Vocal Adrenaline chums?"

He laughed. "I guess you have a point. We were never really close. They only liked me because I was good."

That struck her as particularly sad. Despite all the ups and downs that New Directions had – and there were a lot of them –they had ended as genuine friends. She couldn't imagine a life without them all. She didn't want to.

"It's their loss for not getting to know you," Rachel said.

"Sometimes I think I wasn't someone really worth knowing then," he said.

"I'll admit you were an ass most the time," she said. He laughed, unable to refute what she had said. "There were moments, though," she added.

"Moments?"

"Moments when I saw the guy you are today."

He smiled softy, running a hand through his hair. Her phone buzzed, and she glanced down.

"Kurt already?" he asked.

"No, Megan telling us to hurry up."

He chuckled. "I guess we better get in there."

"Yeah."

"Ladies first," he said, gesturing for her to walk forward. She grinned, nodding her head slightly before walking into the theater. Behind her, he followed.

**A/N: I freaking love writing these two! I hope you enjoyed it :D Let me know your thoughts, please!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I hope you all enjoy this chapter :D**

Chapter Five

"I don't understand why they just don't jump each other yet," Jesse said, gesturing toward the computer screen. "I mean, that's obviously where it's leading."

"Not necessarily," Rachel argued. "They're just friends. A guy and a girl can just be friends without the sexual tension."

"He's actually sort of right on this one, Rach," Megan said from beside her. "Dawson and Joey do end up kissing by the end of the season - awful almost-mullet and all."

"His hair is pretty bad in this season," Rachel agreed.

"His everything is pretty bad in this season," Megan returned. "Why would a show named _Dawson's Creek_ make its lead such a milquetoast whiner with appalling taste in over-sized beige sweaters."

"In his defense, there really is no such thing as _not_ appalling taste in over-sized beige sweaters," Jesse said.

"I just never liked Dawson and Joey," Rachel said, stretching her legs out in front of her. "He was completely oblivious to her feelings for how many years? Talk about clueless. Now, Pacey, on the other hand…"

"Of course you would like Pacey," Megan said, reaching into the bowl of popcorn between the three of them.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rachel asked.

"You seem like the personality type," Megan explained. "You go more for substance and witty repartee than looks and social standing. You'd sooner date the engaging drama nerd than the star quarterback." She looked toward Jesse and said, "You knew her back in high school. Am I right?"

Jesse grinned, thinking that Rachel's past would point in the direct opposite of how Megan had described her.

"Completely," he said, watching Rachel flush.

"Let's get back to the show," Rachel said quickly. "We're missing pivotal points of the episode."

"Well, we wouldn't want that," he said.

They turned back to the episode, Rachel grabbing a large fistful of popcorn and stuffing into her mouth. Beside her, Jesse smirked.

* * *

"Alright, everyone get in positions," the dance director Ms. Gibbons said, clapping her hands together. "We're going to run the number from the top!"

Rachel moved over to her spot, glancing at Jesse, who was talking with Hannah, in the back. She turned her head quickly, silently telling herself that Jesse had to right to chat with whomever he wanted. They were friends, after all, and friends could converse with other friends without unnecessary jealousy.

"Okay," Ms. Gibbons called out. "Let's start! And a five, six, seven, eight!"

The music started and they began to dance, going through the routine they had learned the previous week. Concentrating on the moves, Rachel felt her show face slip, until Ms. Gibbons yelled, "Smile people! You're supposed to be having fun!"

Rachel pulled her mouth into a wide grin, taking the guy beside her, Roger's, hand as he spun her in and back out. A little hip movement and she spun back in, eyes widening when Roger's hand landed on her chest.

"My bad," he said quickly, shuffling away from her to the beat. When he shuffled back (as it was choreographed) he said, "Accidental boob graze. Totally did not mean to do that."

"It's fine," she said, moving past him. She did a pivot with a hip jut and they were face-to-face.

"So, no sharp blow to any particular body part then?" Roger asked through a wide stage grin.

She laughed. "I think you're safe."

The dance continued, without any additional boob grazes, and then they were finished, the majority breathing heavily as their pulses raced. Roger walked over to Rachel and said, "Sorry again about before. I feel like a putz."

She smirked at the Yiddish term and said, "No need. Mistakes happen."

"You're not going to send your boyfriend after me then?"

Rachel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and said, "No, I, uh, don't have a boyfriend."

"Really? I would have pegged you for the taken type."

"The taken type?"

He smiled and explained, "We're all pretty much sexually repressed theater nerds here. Put us all in one setting and people are bound to go at it like rabbits. I've already heard about more than half of the class hooking up here and there. Your name hasn't come up once, though."

"I'm not really the hooking up type," Rachel said.

"That's good," Roger said, grinning slightly. "Neither am I."

Across the studio, Jesse watched Rachel and Roger talk. He told himself that he shouldn't be jealous. They were friends now. Friends let their friends pursue relationships without prejudice, but he couldn't help the uncomfortable twist in his stomach. For all intents and purposes Roger was a nice guy, be he wasn't right for Rachel. Jesse had no real criteria for this judgment, but he stood by it. He walked over to them and laid a hand on Rachel's shoulder.

"You ready to go?" he asked. She looked up at him with something resembling guilt in her eyes and nodded, giving Roger a small wave before leaving with Jesse. He glanced down at her, trying to discern whether or not she was disappointed to leave the other guy.

"You and Roger seem to be getting along," Jesse noted.

"He's nice," she said evasively. He waited for more, further explanation of what he had seen, but she didn't give him any. Instead she stayed quiet, smiling to herself now and then. He hated to think what those smiles were about.

* * *

"An accidental boob graze? You went through three years of glee club with Noah Puckerman. I thought you of all people would know there is no such thing."

Rachel laughed, switching the phone to the other ear. She was walking around campus, enjoying the crisp September weather.

"Kurt, it was accidental. Anyway, he's nice."

"You said his name was Roger?"

"Yeah, Roger Feinstein. He's from Chicago. He told me he did some regional theater there before coming out here for school."

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you sound smitten, Berry."

"Not smitten," she said quickly. "I love Finn, remember?"

"It's not a ridiculous notion for you to move on, Rachel," Kurt said slowly.

"It's only been three months," Rachel said, shaking her head. "It's too soon."

"That's ninety days, Rachel," Kurt said. "That's more than enough time."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not," he argued. "I'm not saying sleep with him."

"You know I wouldn't," she said quickly. Sleeping with someone was special to her. She wouldn't jump into bed with the next warm body that became available.

"Yes, I know you wouldn't. I'm just saying you should date a little. This is supposed to be a time to see if you can be without Finn. You won't truly know that if you're holed up in your dorm room."

"I'm not interested in him that way," Rachel said, sitting down on one of the benches interspersed around campus.

"Fine, but will you promise me something?"

Rachel wrinkled her nose, wanting very much to say no, because she had a feeling she wouldn't like whatever she was promising him. "Can I say no?"

"No, you cannot."

"Fine, what is it?"

"Promise me that if you do find yourself attracted to some cute theater guy, you won't just sit and twiddle your thumbs."

"You do know that no person actually sits around and twiddles their thumbs. What does it even mean to twiddle your thumbs?"

"All this circulative rambling will not make me overlook the fact that you didn't promise, Berry."

"Fine," she sighed. "I promise. No thumb twiddling."

"That's my girl."

* * *

It was that time of the week. Laundry day. There were many things that Rachel detested, the list including but not limited to clowns, any High School Musical product and people who wore socks with sandals. Laundry ranked high on this list. She knew there were people who liked laundry. People who found comfort in the smell of detergent and feel of warm clothes fresh from the dryer. She tried to find this sort of laundry zen. Each week, she told herself that it would be different. And then each week, something happened to reaffirm her belief that doing laundry was one of the worst tasks foisted upon mankind.

Her first week in the dorm, someone had surreptitiously removed her clothes from the dryer before they were finished and left them in a dank smelling pile on the top of the dryer. The next week, someone actually had the gall or low mental faculties to put their clothes _with_ hers in the washer. Each following week made some contribution to the comedy of errors that encompassed her doing laundry. This week, she ran out of detergent.

"I hate you," Rachel bit out, kicking the washer with the toe of her penny loafer. "I hate you. I hate you!"

"Whatever it did, Rach, I'm sure it's really sorry," Jesse said, approaching her with his own basket of clothes. He set it on the washer, eyeing her with both curiosity and amusement. She couldn't entirely blame him – it wasn't everyday that someone attacked an inanimate object - although she still felt a strong urge to direct the toe of her penny loafer at his shin.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"I ran out of detergent," she answered petulantly.

"That's it? You know, you really can't blame the washer for that."

"I'm taking out my pent up aggression on it," Rachel said. "Believe me, it had it coming."

"Did it?" Jesse said, tone playful. "Whatever did it do? Leave some suds on one of your jumpers?"

"It knows what it did," Rachel said in a heavy voice.

"Here, you can use some of mine," he said, pushing the detergent toward her. She grabbed the detergent, mumbling a quick thank you.

"Why do I feel that the machine kicking wasn't totally due to your lack of detergent?"

Rachel looked away guiltily, closing the washer door. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I know you well enough to know when you're lying. What's going on."

"It's nothing."

Jesse gave her a look. "Need I remind you that you were physically assaulting a washer?"

"I talked to Kurt yesterday," Rachel began reluctantly. "He hinted that it's time for me to move on."

"He did?"

Rachel poured detergent into her other washer, pushing the detergent caddy back in its slot. He watched her carefully.

"I understand where he's coming from," Rachel said. "He just wants me to be happy. And as we both know, a pining me is not exactly a bucket of sunshine."

"You shouldn't move on until you're ready," Jesse said. "Everyone can tell you that you're ready and try to convince you, but until you actually feel that you can take that next step, you shouldn't. You'll regret it if you do."

Rachel peered at him. "You're good at this."

"At what?"

"Advice. I never would have pegged you for the Dr. Phil type."

He grinned. "A guy can surprise you once in a while if you let them, Berry."

"Thank you for listening."

"Seeing that I had to wrestle it out of you, it was only fair," he said.

She laughed, leaning against the washer. Her thoughts drifted back to Kurt and Finn. He settle beside her and she said, "I didn't know it would be this hard. The break-up was bad enough, but this? How can you move forward when you don't know what you're moving toward?"

"Blind faith," Jesse replied. She looked at him oddly, and he said, "None of us really know where we're going. We're all going through life aimlessly, hoping that we don't mess up too much."

"You aimless? I don't believe it."

He smirked. "Yes, even me. You just need to have faith that you will end up exactly where you're supposed to be. Just sit back and try to enjoy the ride."

"I wish the ride didn't hurt so bad," she said glumly.

"Think of it this way," he said. "If you didn't have the bad, you wouldn't know the good when it was happening. It gives you a point of reference."

She sighed, crossing her ankles. "You're right. It sucks, but you're right."

"It'll get easier," he told her. "I know right now that seems impossible, but it will."

"Speaking from experience?" It came out of her mouth without much thought, and she immediately regretted it. Her cheeks flushed. "I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have asked that."

"It's okay," he said. "Yes, I am speaking from experience. It was awful at first, losing this person…" she stared at her shoes, knowing all to well who he was talking about, "…but it got better. I moved on."

She turned her face up toward him and asked, "You did?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I did."

For some reason this bothered her. She crossed her arms over her chest and chewed a bit on her cheek.

"Anyway, you just need to hold in there," Jesse said, pushing from the washer with the back of his heel. "Time heals everything, right?"

Attempting the glib tone he held, she returned, "Yes, Deepak Chopra, it does."

"And if all else fails, a good shower sing is usually pretty helpful."

She grinned, nodding. "You can say that again."

"Barbra power ballads?" he guessed.

"That among other things."

"Well, do elaborate, Ms. Berry."

She grinned, beginning to list off the number of songs that filled the minutes during her showers. As they talked, she felt a lightness that she didn't feel often. At least she had this. In the face of everything else, she had her friends. She had him.

**A/N: Anyone else hating laundry? Rachel in that scene is totally me. Minus the whole Jesse St. James coming and saving you from your inability to judge how much detergent you have left. Anyhoo, would love your thoughts on this! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of your feedback! I hope you all enjoy this chapter :D**

Chapter Six

"So, when are you and Blaine going to visit me?" Rachel asked, examining her nails as she waited for Kurt's answer.

"Starved for attention, Berry?" he joked.

"I miss you guys. Your voice can only fill so much of the aching Kurt Hummel shaped hole in my heart."

"A Kurt Hummel shaped hole in your heart? You might want to get that checked out."

"Your mocking is not missed," she deadpanned.

"We'll visit soon. I promise. So, how have things been? Talk to that Roger kid any more?"

Rachel grinned. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I don't know. My settled and boring life makes me crave the ups and down and inner turmoil of being single."

"Believe me, spend thirty minutes with the ups and downs and inner turmoil and you'll be running back to your boring, settled life."

"That bad?"

"Thanks to our conversation, now I feel like a skittish kitten every time I'm around him," Rachel said. "He's obviously interested and it makes me both terrified and acutely uncomfortable."

"Maybe it's because you share the interest?"

"I'm not ready," Rachel said immediately. "It would be unfair to both myself and him to move on before I am."

"Well, listen to you Delilah," Kurt said, the grin evident in his voice.

"I talked with Jesse," Rachel explained. "He helped me sort through some things."

There was a beat of silence before Kurt asked, "You told Jesse about Roger?"

"No, not about Roger," Rachel said. "I did tell him about how you think I should move on and stuff, though. He was very helpful."

"Well, I wouldn't have thought that."

"Look, I know that you all have your opinions on Jesse, but he has been nothing but a good friend to me here."

"I bet he has," Kurt said.

"No suggestive tone," Rachel said firmly.

"What? There was no suggestive tone," Kurt said.

"Uh huh. Sure. He's been a good friend and I'm lucky to have that. A lot of things are changing in my life, so it's nice to have a constant."

"Well, I'm happy you have him then. As long as he doesn't try to reignite that ill-fated romance of yours."

"We have no current plans."

"Let's keep it that way, yeah?"

"Yeah yeah," she said. "Okay, I need to go. I'm supposed to meet some friends for breakfast in a few minutes."

"Alright, I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Rachel sat in the dining hall with Megan and River, waiting for Jesse to return from the cafeteria. He padded over with a tray piled so high that Rachel was surprised he could hold it up at all. He sat down across from her and she asked, "You have a hidden family back in your dorm room that we don't know about."

He smirked. "I think I'm going to have to skip lunch today to prepare for performances Friday. Therefore, I am stocking up."

"They had brown sugar pop tarts?" Megan said, reaching forward and plucking one package from Jesse's tray. "I didn't see them. Thanks, St. James."

"See, that is why I had to take so much," Jesse said, pointing toward Megan. "Shielding myself from your greedy hands."

"Oh please, all you have to do is get up and grab yourself another if you're really so hot and bothered."

Rachel craned her neck to look at his bounty and asked, "Any chance you have a blueberry Nutrigrain bar over there?"

Jesse grinned slightly as he perused his haul. "Sorry, Rach, I don't see any."

"Are you going to eat all four of those bananas?" Rachel asked. He smirked and handed one over.

"Jesse St. James, no one can ever say you're not a good provider," Megan said, pocketing her pop tarts.

"What are you practicing for?" Rachel asked. "I heard your song, remember? You hardly need practice."

"I've been given a duet," Jesse said, cutting into the little sections of his grapefruit. He was the only person she had ever seen to attack the citrus fruit with such precision.

"A duet really? With who?"

He glanced up and said, "Remember Hannah from our skit in Mr. Katz's class?"

"Yeah."

"I'm doing a duet with her."

Rachel froze, her jaw tightening as he went on methodically cutting his grapefruit. Megan noticed Rachel's tight expression and asked, "So, Jesse, what are you singing?"

"_Guilty_," he replied.

Rachel's eyes widened and she asked, "The Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb _Guilty?"_ Jesse nodded. "Well, that is a fantastic song."

"It's one of my favorites," Jesse answered. Rachel nodded and softly murmured, "Mine too."

"Well, I've never heard it," Megan piped in.

Rachel turned toward her and breathed out, "You've never heard _Guilty_?"

"Nope."

"It is only one of the quintessential 1970's Barbra songs."

"I'm not a huge Streisand fan outside of _Funny Girl_," Megan said off-handedly, taking a bite of her waffle. Rachel and Jesse both stared at her with mouths open. Megan wrinkled her nose and asked, "What?"

"I can't believe we're friends with you."

* * *

Several times on their way to class Rachel tried to ask about Hannah, but found herself without the proper words. She couldn't figure out a way to phrase it without sounding like a jealous ex-girlfriend. When she thought about it, though, that's how she was reacting. There was no reason for her to be so unsettled by their working together besides jealousy. This realization bothered her more than she was willing to admit.

"I didn't ask for it," Jesse said, glancing toward her.

"Ask for what?"

"The duet," he said.

"Oh…"

"I know you, Rachel," he reminded her. "Your silence, it's as easy for me to read as your rambling or leading questions."

"I don't use leading questions," she shot back petulantly.

He laughed. "Right, of course you don't."

"Who's idea was it?" she asked. "The duet, who's idea was it?"

"Ms. Gibbons," Jesse answered. "When I finished working on my solo so quickly, she recommended that I take on another performance. She said she would link me up with someone else who was in good shape. That's where Hannah came in."

"She was the only person in good shape?" Rachel asked innocently. Jesse grinned and retorted, "I could point out that that was a leading question, but I won't."

"How adult of you."

"Ms. Gibbons only chose from her students," Jesse explained slowly. "So I believe that from her crop of students, yes, Hannah was the best choice. I can't speak on the other teacher's students."

"Is she any good?"

He shrugged. "I can't say I wince at any point during the song. She's not the best interpreter of Barbra's songs, though."

Rachel smiled slightly. "She's not?"

He mirrored her grin and shook her head. "No. You see, there was this girl that I knew back in high school who did a rousing rendition of _Don't Rain on My Parade_. Ever since her, I have been hard pressed to find anyone else quite as impressive."

"This girl sounds pretty amazing," Rachel returned playfully.

"She is. A bit of a drama queen offstage, but…"

She laughed, ramming her elbow into his side. "Be nice."

"What? You thought I was talking about you?"

"You guys are going to be great," she said, returning the conversation to its original topic.

"And you know this how?"

"Because you are singing with her," Rachel answered. "You make anyone you're singing with up their game, Jesse. I'm sure it's no different with Hannah. I'm looking forward to seeing the performance."

"Well well, Rachel Berry, that almost sounded genuine."

She laughed and told him, "It's the best I can do. Take it or leave it."

He grinned. "I'll take it."

* * *

After a long day of classes and rehearsal, Rachel wanted nothing more than to sink into her mattress with a cup of microwaved cocoa and her Netflix Instant account. She was settling in for the latest installments adventures in Capeside, Massachusetts when there was a knock on her door. Before she could stand up to see who it was, the door open and Megan bound in.

"Am I interrupting anything exciting?" she asked, glancing at the computer screen. "Good episode. How about you pause it for a second?"

"But-"

Megan reached over her and paused the screen, Pacey Witter's face frozen in a rather humorous expression. Megan tilted her head to the side as she murmured, "And this is why I love that kid. I mean, look at that face. Anyway, I'm here to talk to you about something important."

"And that would be?"

"Your unresolved feelings for one Jesse St. James."

Rachel snorted. "Those don't exist."

"Really? So I just imagined all that delicious sexual tension at breakfast?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Megan gave her a look. "Okay, either you are oblivious or in complete denial. Either way, you need a wake-up call. You have feelings for him. He obviously has feelings for you."

"Megan-"

"Don't make me lock you two in a supply closet."

"There's no need," Rachel told her levelly. "Yes, there may be some sort of undeniable chemistry between us, but whatever we had has passed. Meaning it is in the past."

"I don't believe that."

"Well, believe it. I don't mean to be blunt, but the only people whom my and Jesse's relationship concerns are the two of us. And who are you to judge my relationships, anyway? You hardly know me."

Megan stared at her for a moment before standing up abruptly from the bed. "If that's how you feel, then fine."

Rachel sighed. "Megan, wait-"

"No, you've made yourself clear. I have no role in your personal life."

"That's not what I meant. Megan-"

"Just go back to your _Dawson's Creek_ episode," Megan said coldly. "We're done here."

She walked out quickly, closing the door loudly behind her.

**A/N: Some drama-rama! Let me know what you thought of this :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of your feedback! I hope you all enjoy this chapter :D**

Chapter Seven

Rachel set to remedy the situation between her and Megan as quickly and efficiently as possible. After much thought, she came up with what she believed was the perfect solution. She stood outside of Megan's doorway with a pint of Chubby Hubby ice cream and her prized DVD of _Funny Girl_. After one cleansing breath, she knocked on the door and waited for Megan to answer.

She didn't look too pleased to find Rachel Berry at her doorway – ice cream or not.

"What do you want?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm here to apologize," Rachel said. "And I come bearing offerings. Chubby Hubby ice cream and a chance to view _Funny Girl_ in its entirety with me not singing along to one number."

Megan raised an eyebrow. "Is that even possible for you?"

"It takes some concentration but, yes, it is indeed possible."

Megan eyed the ice cream. "That's all for me, right?"

Rachel nodded, holding up a spoon. "See, only one. There is, uh, more to my apology if you'll let me in. I'd rather not do all of this outside."

Megan considered this for a moment before stepping back and saying, "Fine. But I still reserve the right to kick you at any junction of the apology that I see unfit."

"Okay." Rachel stepped in, feeling her stomach twist when Megan closed the door. Her friend was obviously still angry, and Rachel didn't know if she was really capable of describing exactly why she had snapped at her the day before. So much of her relationship with Jesse was in the gray area, and that was difficult enough to explain to herself.

"I'm waiting," Megan said impatiently.

"I can't fully explain what Jesse is to me," Rachel began. She figured it was best to dive right in. "Or what he means to me. Our past is so twisted and nonsensical, that sometimes even I have trouble discerning the truth from the fiction. All I know is that he is very important to me now. He's a friend to me, a good friend, and those are hard to find. You know that we dated." Megan nodded. "And I can understand you not seeing why that can't happen again. I am single, after all. He's single, too."

"You're also hot for each other," Megan added dryly.

"Despite all of that," Rachel said, choosing to ignore Megan's last input. "Being together is too risky. He's a good friend to me and I can't lose that. I can't lose him. And besides that, I'm a complete mess right now. Three months ago, Megan, I was engaged to the guy that I thought was the love of my life."

Megan's eyes widened. "You were engaged?"

"Didn't you see the ring?"

"I thought it was decorative," Megan said. "Or to ward off creepy older men."

"It's real. I was engaged. Now I'm not and my ex-fiancee, whom I claimed to love with every bit of myself, has enlisted in the army and is God knows where."

"Gosh, Rachel, I-"

"My life is full of complications. And mess. Starting anything with Jesse, would only bring more. I know you think we're perfect. And who knows, maybe in some warped sense you're right. But, I know him. I know me. It wouldn't work."

"Do you honestly believe that?"

"Yes," Rachel answered simply. "I do. Maybe I'm wrong, but right now I don't want to risk that. We're comfortable being friends. It's easy and it just works. I don't want to ruin that."

Megan was silent for a moment before she strode over to Rachel and said, "I accept your apology and explanation."

"Good, that's-"

"I'm not finished," Megan said. "I accept it under one condition." Rachel looked at her expectantly and Megan said, "There's a party over on Grand tonight. And you're coming with me."

* * *

Rachel didn't go to parties and she definitely didn't wear dresses so tight that she seriously worried what would happen when she invariably had to use the bathroom – but this had been all part of Megan's singular condition, which ended up having about eighteen added dimensions. She not only had to go the party, but had to wear something from Megan's closet and promise to have at least two drinks. On top of that, she also had to promise to keep Megan from making out with any redheads, because apparently her friend had a proclivity for this during the night hours.

"This is going to be fun!" Megan enthused as they made their way to the party. "This is going to be a lot of fun!"

"Did I really have to wear the heels?" Rachel said, stumbling a bit. "Because if they hurt now – which they do – I really hate to think of how they're going to feel on the way back."

"I'll carry you," Megan said airily. After a moment's thought she said, "Actually, I won't. But you can take them off. A little concrete and gravel never hurt anyone."

Rachel stumbled again and she said, "I have a feeling that last part is going to be the mantra of my night."

"Did you go to a lot of parties in high school?" Megan asked.

Rachel shook her head. "No. I ran with a pretty tame crowd. We had one week of excessive drinking, and then I was thrown up on in front of the entire school."

"Ouch. That's harsh."

"But tonight will be different, right?" Rachel said hopefully. Megan grinned wide, putting her arm around her shoulder.

"See! That positivity is exactly what I was looking for from you! Tonight will be different! It will be fun and hopefully no one will puke on you."

Rachel nodded. "That is my goal tonight. Not to get puked on." They continued on and Rachel said, "Still in the vein of positivy here, but are we almost there?"

Megan nodded. "Yep. Just another three blocks."

Rachel looked over at her wide eyes and muttered, "Three blocks?"

* * *

Jesse didn't like parties, but Hannah had invited him, and after their bonding over their duet he thought it would be rude not to show. It was all in the name of friendship, of course. She obviously wanted more, but he kept himself firmly on the side of friend. She was a nice enough girl. Decent talent. Pleasant enough personality. She just didn't have that extra spark – the thing that drew his attention. As he examined the backside of a new partygoer, he thought to himself that this girl had that extra spark. Or at least the potential. When she turned around, his mouth went dry.

"Who is that girl?" the guy next to him asked.

"Rachel Berry," Jesse said, his eyes trying not to rove over the tight number she had somehow squeezed herself into. He had never seen her dress that way before, and he had to admit he liked it.

"She is hot," the guy enthused, mouth hanging open. "Alright, I need to hit one back before I hit that."

Jesse glanced over at him with a look and said, "Hit what?"

"That Berry girl. Time to get my A game on." He clapped Jesse on the shoulder before disappearing back where the keg was. Rachel caught his eye and came over with a timid smile.

"Quite a party," she said.

"Yeah, you can say that again." He glanced over her shoulder and grinned at Megan. "How are you guys?"

"Ecstatic," Megan trilled, while Rachel said, "My feet already hurt. I also have to pee, and am not exactly sure how that happens in this dress."

He smirked. "Well, you look good. I do sort of miss the animal sweaters, though."

She laughed. "I haven't worn those in a while."

"That's a shame. They were a classic."

"So, how did you hear about this party?" Rachel asked. Megan went off to get them both beer, leaving Rachel and Jesse alone in the sea of people.

"Hannah invited me."

Rachel nodded, mentally checking the sharp retort that was poised on her tongue. "Where is she?"

"Being chatted up by someone who claimed to have performed in all of Shakespeare's tragedies."

Rachel smirked. "Well, that one's a keeper."

"How about you? This isn't your usual scene, is it?"

Rachel shook her head. "No. I came with Megan as a favor." He gave her a look and she said, "Believe me, it is a long and tortuous story. Definitely not appropriate for a hopping scene such as this."

"Hey Berry," a guy said, appearing beside them. Jesse frowned. It was the same guy who had asked about her earlier, except now he was armed with beer and a heady dose of Axe.

"Uh hi," she said. "Do I know you?"

"No. But you're about to."

Rachel glanced at Jesse, lips pressed into a tight-lipped grin as she tried not to laugh. "Is that so? Well, lucky me."

"I'm Michael," he said, subbing in a nonchalant chin jut where the handshake would typically go. "Like Michael Crawford."

"As opposed to Joan?" Rachel asked innocently. Beside her, Jesse snorted into his cup.

Michael didn't understand the joke and instead asked, "So, are you a student at NYADA?"

"Yep," she said with a nod.

"So, that means you're pretty talented, right?"

"I guess."

"We're all pretty talented here," Michael said, puffing out his chest. He glanced down at her with hooded eyes and said, "Some of us in different ways than others."

He winked at her and she fought back an overwhelming urge to gag. Megan returned with their drinks, and Jesse took a hold of her elbow as he turned her toward the guy and said, "Megan, have you met Mike?"

Megan smiled demurely at the tall boy and his affections were easily diverted. Megan handed Rachel her drink, giving her a little wink before moving over to the side with the guy to talk. Jesse stepped closer to Rachel and said, "Look at that. Megan and Michael. So much alliteration, it makes a tear come to my eye."

Rachel took a sip of her drink. "If they have children, they should all have M names."

"And wear matching blue cable knit sweaters," he added.

"With khakis!"

He laughed and said, "I think we just described every terrible 80s family portrait."

"Hm, you're right. I think we did." Rachel glanced back at Megan. "That guy was pretty awful? Think we should save her?"

"I think Megan can handle herself," Jesse said. "The guy's harmless, anyway. All talk. No actual game."

"He tried so hard, though. I mean, that Crawford line. That was some impressive material."

Jesse laughed. "You want to take a look around? See if we can walk in on anything uncomfortable?"

Rachel grinned. "Lead the way."

* * *

"I can't believe it," Rachel said, her and Jesse sitting on the back porch of the house. "Not one couple having sex. I thought this was a college party."

"Perhaps the mass media has oversold the depravity of college parties," he proposed.

"Or we're just at a lame party."

He grinned. "Or that."

There was a slight breeze and she shivered, wrapping her arms around her waist. He shrugged out of his light jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

"It figures you're cold," he admonished lightly. "You're wearing, what, three inches of fabric?"

"It was part of the agreement," Rachel said. "I had to come to this party. Wear an outfit of her choosing. Have at least two drinks. And-oh no, was that Mike guy a redhead? I can't remember."

"Pretty sure he was blonde."

"Good," Rachel breathed out. "That was the lat stipulation. I keep her from making out with redheads."

"That's quite an exhaustive list. What'd you do?"

Rachel stretched her legs in front of her. "I sort of bit her head off for something that she said, and insinuated that she had no role in my personal life."

"Well, this sounds like a classic Rachel Berry blowing-something-out-of-proportion, if I ever heard one."

"Precisely," Rachel said. "I went and apologized with a pint of ice cream and _Funny Girl_. I offered her a viewing without any of my singing."

Jesse grinned. "You were really serious about this apology."

"Exactly! She passed up the viewing for this, though. So, hopefully things go back to normal. They seem normal again, but who knows about tomorrow."

"Everyone makes mistakes," he said. "The important thing is that you owned up to yours. I'm sure she's forgiven you."

"Hey, there you guys are!" Megan said, plopping down on the step beside Jesse. "I was looking everywhere for you!"

"Sorry, all the underage drinking and partying sort of became too much for us," Rachel said. "We needed some air."

"You can say that again," Megan said. "That Mike guy? Totally tried to stick his tongue down my throat! Can you believe that?"

Jesse glanced at Rachel and said, "There's some college party depravity for you."

"Anyway, I'm over this party," Megan said. "You can barely move and the place smells vaguely of urine. Do you guys just want to head back?"

"Sure," Jesse said. "I don't mind. How about you, Rachel?"

"More than happy," Rachel said. "Any chance you guys would be up for some _Funny Girl_? My no singing offer still stands."

"Tempting offer," Jesse said. He looked toward Megan and said, "I think it'd be imprudent to pass up such an offer."

"It's fine with me," Megan said. She stood up and asked, "So, does this no singing offer also extend to commentary? Because you've been known to talk through movies…"

Together, the three of them walked back to the dorms.

**A/N: Feedback makes me a happy girl :D Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I got off my schedule - sorry guys! Hope this was worth the wait.**

Chapter Eight

Rachel narrowed her eyes, focusing on the lane in front of her as she chased away all distraction. She pursed her lips slightly as she drew the ball back, twisting her body slightly as Megan had suggested, and then released the ball on her upswing. She made a small disgruntled noise when the ball veered to the right immediately and dropped into the gutter.

"I don't understand," Rachel said, spinning back toward her friends. An entire group from the dorm decided on some G-rated weekend fun after their previous weekend on the town, and headed to the local bowling alley. After several unsuccessful turns, Rachel was disappointed to see that she had finally found something that she was truly terrible at. It was really only a matter of time. Eighteen years of being generally good at everything and she was bound to find something with which she was less than perfect. She just wished she didn't find it in front of all of her friends.

Jesse walked past her for his turn. Before he went he turned back toward her and said, "Let me show you how it's done, Berry."

She watched with boiling irritation as he executed a nearly perfect turn. Seven of the pins went down, and after his second turn, the last went down, too.

"I hate you," she said, turning back to the ball vestibule as he laughed. She saw her bubble gum pink ball pop out and she picked it up, sliding her fingers into the little slots.

"Now, don't be a sore loser," he baited.

"Just because you're good doesn't mean you have to rub it in my face," she shot back. "And besides, what does it really matter in ten or fifteen years that you're good at bowling? I'll tell you. Nothing. It means nothing."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you were any good," he returned with a grin.

"Did I mention that I hate you?"

"Yes. Several times now."

"You're not that bad," Roger said, joining them. "We haven't had to get bumpers yet."

"That's just because the rest of you don't need them," Rachel said glumly. "Me? I need those bumpers."

"Chin up, Berry," Jesse said, knocking his elbow against hers. "You don't give in that easily. Bumpers are for weaklings."

"Here, let me show you some tips," Roger said. "I was on the bowling team in high school."

_Of course you were_, Jesse thought. Rachel fed into his line easily enough, though, and followed him over to the side. Jesse went to join them when Megan grabbed his arm and said, "Let the mating ritual begin, St. James."

He looked down at her in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"They are clearly flirting. Let it happen."

"They're not flirting. He's helping her game."

Megan snorted. "Sure, Mr. Dumb and Deluded, that's all he's doing."

"What? That is all they're doing."

"Sure," she said, nodding her head. "Come on. I want a pop, and you are going to accompany me to the concession stand."

"But-"

She tugged on his arm. "Come on, St. James. Flirting is not a spectator's sport. Unless it's really, really bad – and Roger seems to be doing just fine."

Jesse followed her to the concession stand, but his eyes still sought out Rachel and Roger as he leaned against the counter. She ordered beside him, glancing at him casually.

"Why don't you just ask her out already?" Megan asked.

"Ask who?"

"Rachel."

"Don't be ridiculous," Jesse said immediately, although his eyes stayed trained on the object of the conversation. "There's nothing between us."

"Once more with feeling," Megan said.

"I'm serious," Jesse said, turning his gaze toward her. He realized that the more he stared at Rachel, the less his words held any credence. And he really wanted to get it through to Megan that him and Rachel wouldn't happen. They couldn't. "Rachel and I are only friends."

"So, you're not still in love with her?"

"No," he said.

"You're not insanely jealous that Roger is over there with her instead of you?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm not. She can talk with whoever she wants."

Megan narrowed her eyes, peering at his face. He laughed, running a hand through his hair. "Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated?" he asked.

"I like my friends happy," Megan said. "You and Rachel are my friends, and I happen to think you two would be happiest together."

Jesse glanced at Rachel again. "That time has past, Megan. It's best for both of us that it stays that way."

"And why is that?"

"We only hurt each other," he replied.

"Well, isn't that apocalyptic," Megan said.

"It's the truth. Every time we were together, it ended badly."

"Maybe it just wasn't the right time."

"And this is?" Jesse returned. "And why is that? The cheap low-watt institutional lighting? The faint smell of feet?"

Megan wrinkled her nose. "You're being difficult."

"No, I'm being realistic. If Rachel and I were meant to be together, then it wouldn't be this difficult."

"So, you've considered it then?" Megan baited. "You two being together?"

"Megan, we were together," he spelled out slowly. "And most days were like pulling out teeth. Her running after her ex. Me fighting for dominance."

"And what about those other days?" He was silent, and she knew she got him. "Think about those days, Jesse, and tell me you honestly have no problem with her spending them with someone else."

* * *

"I'm telling you, I am simply awful at bowling," Rachel said, scrunching her nose at another horrible turn. She glanced back at Roger. "No matter how many times you patiently show me how to do it well, there is just no hope for me."

He grinned. "Are you always this dramatic?"

"Unfortunately yes."

He chuckled. "It just takes some practice. A few more rounds here and you'll be bowling with the best of them."

"I think I'll sit this round out," she said, sitting down at one of the nearby seats. "Want to bowl for me? Even if you got a strike, I'd still be about forty points behind the person in front of me."

"Come on, I never took you for a quitter."

"My fragile ego can only take so many gutter balls," she returned.

"Fine. I'll make you a deal."

She straightened in her seat and said, "Alright. Name the terms."

"Have dinner with me tomorrow night."

She stared at him for a moment as her brain registered the fact that she was just asked out in a bowling alley, and the situation did not make her completely want to vomit. She opened and closed her mouth silently before she swallowed hard and said, "I…I have to think about."

He nodded quickly and said, "Sure. Take all the time you need. I'll still take your turn."

"Thank you," she answered reflexively.

"We should find Jesse. It's his turn."

She turned around to look for him, and felt confusion that slowly morphed to panic when she saw him and Megan at the concession stand. Megan seemed to be lecturing him about something as he looked at her with barely veiled annoyance. This could not bode well.

"I'll grab him," Rachel said, jumping from her seat. As she got closer, she heard a snippet of the conversation.

"Think about those days, Jesse, and tell me you honestly have no problem with her spending them with someone else."

"Who spending what with whom?" Rachel asked, stepping beside Megan. Jesse went to say something when Megan smoothly said, "Jesse has the hots for the concession girl."

Just then a rather unattractive woman with bottle-red hair appeared behind the counter with Megan's pop. She took it from the woman and chirped, "I'm as surprised as you."

Rachel gave him a look before the three of them padded back to their lanes.

* * *

Later that night, Megan was woken up by the sound of knocking at her door. She pulled herself from her bed and walked to the door, cursing whoever was on the other side. When she pulled open the door she was surprised to find Rachel there in her nightgown and slippers.

"Rachel, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I need to talk," she said, pushing past Megan into her room.

"And this couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

"No, by then it will be too late," Rachel said dramatically. "This needs to be talked through now."

"At 2 in the morning?"

"Panic attacks know no time!" Rachel threw back. "Look, things are happening. Big things! And I need to talk about them!"

"Okay, okay," Megan said, gesturing for her to calm down. She pointed toward her bed and Rachel dutifully sat down. "Tell me what's going on."

Rachel took a deep breath before saying, "He asked me out."

Megan broke into a wide grin, despite the time of night, and exclaimed, "He did! Well, that's fantastic news! I told him to man up and it sounds like he finally did!"

Rachel stared at her. "You asked him to do this?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'm sure it was his idea and all. We were over by concessions and I told him that he should just ask you out already. It's so obvious that he's in love with you. Anyway-"

"When were you with Roger at concessions?" Rachel asked uncomfortably. The only person she had seen with Megan there had been Jesse. Which meant-

"You're not talking about Jesse, are you?"

"Nope."

"You're talking about Roger?" Rachel nodded. "Well, that's good, too."

"This talk is so not going how I thought it would," Rachel grumbled.

"You should go," Megan said. She figured, if nothing else, it could give Jesse the kick he needed. Nothing like seeing the woman you love with another man to get you into high hear.

"Really?"

"Uh huh. You need some dating experience. It sounds like this Finn guy had you really tied down. It's time for you to explore. Have some fun. You are in college, after all."

"But, what if I lead him on? I mean, he's nice and all, but I really don't feel that spark."

"It's one date, Berry. You'll get a free meal out of it. Perhaps some decent conversation. It's really win-win."

"So I should go?"

"You should definitely go."

Rachel nodded, pulling at Megan's comforter anxiously with her fingers. After a moment she blurted out, "You told Jesse to ask me out?"

"A conversation for another time," Megan said quickly, pulling Rachel from her bed. "You came for advice and I gave it. Now, I would really like to get back to that thing I was doing. Namely sleeping."

"Alright," Rachel conceded. "Thanks for your help."

"No problem," Megan said, yawning. "Now, please try to have any further panic attacks at reasonable hours. My sleeping pattern would much appreciate it."

* * *

"I hate this," Rachel said, tugging at the hemline of her dress. "I hate this dress. It's awful. God, why do I even _own_ this dress?"

"Calm down," Megan said, leafing through her closet. "You look fine. Just like you did in the past three outfits you discarded."

"Why am I even doing this?" Rachel complained. "This is ridiculous. I shouldn't be dating. A few months ago I was engaged. Engaged!"

"Yes, I know," Megan said. "And after that shriek, I bet all of New York does."

"It's too soon," Rachel said, pulling off the dress and throwing it in a corner. "I shouldn't be going on dates."

"Okay, first of all, it is not too soon," Megan said. "And second of all, why are you wearing the ugliest set of bra and panties known to mankind?"

"Why does it matter?" Rachel asked off-handedly, grabbing a nearby discard from earlier and pulling it back on for a second go.

"Just because he's not getting lucky doesn't mean you shouldn't wear something nice under there. I mean, have some self respect Berry."

"I don't care what I'm wearing underneath," Rachel shot back. "Ugh, this is hideous, too. Why did no one tell me that my entire wardrobe is hideous?"

Megan rolled her eyes and grabbed a yellow dress from the back of the closet. "Try this."

Rachel pulled off the dress and tried on the new one. It was a structured shift with a high neckline. Megan went over to Rachel's dresser and pulled out a black statement necklace.

"Wear this with it and some black heels," she instructed. "And if you change one more time I am pulling the fire alarm while you're in the shower."

"Can you put the necklace on me?" Rachel asked, smoothing the front of the dress. She gathered her hair into a low ponytail and pulled it over her shoulder. Megan stepped forward and fastened the necklace, admiring her handiwork in the mirror.

"You look smokin', Berry."

"I feel like I'm going to vomit."

Megan clapped her on the shoulder and retorted, "That's the spirit."

There was a knock on the door and Megan gave Rachel's shoulder one last squeeze before walking over and answering the call. Jesse stood on the other side, hands stuffed into the pockets of his leather jacket. Rachel turned toward him, her mouth going dry. He looked alarmingly like he had the first day she met him.

"Wow. You're dressed up," he noted, eyes travelling down her form.

"Astute observation skills, " Megan chirped. "What do you want?"

"I was going to see if you guys wanted to grab dinner," Jesse said, his eyes still on Rachel. She was visibly blushing under his gaze, looking everywhere but him.

"Well, Rachel's not free, but I am," Megan said. "Looks like you got yourself a platonic date. The only type where a kiss at the end is both unwarranted and revolting."

Jesse smirked. "What've you got tonight, Rach? A hot date?"

"Well, I wouldn't call it hot," Rachel said softly. "I'm going out to dinner with Roger."

His jaw tensed as he nodded. Reminding himself of the rousing performance he had given Megan the other day about his and Rachel's relationship, he forced a smile and said, "Well, that's great. Tell him I say hi."

Rachel nodded, something in her eyes flashing. "Thanks. I will."

"Well, Meg, I'm starved. Are you ready?"

Megan nodded, turning back to Rachel for some last moment advice. "Now, remember to smile. Don't forget to breathe. And when in doubt, don't order the salad."

"Why not?"

"They're difficult to eat," Megan answered slowly. "Geez Berry, you'd think you've never been on a date or something."

"What are the rules on vomiting?" Rachel half-joked.

"Generally seen as negative, but hey, you never know." Megan gave her a quick hug. "Just have fun. He's a nice guy."

Rachel nodded, forcing a smile. "Alright, you guys enjoy dinner."

"I expect a full re-cap tonight," Megan said. "With visuals."

"I'll do my best."

* * *

He dressed in khakis with a nice button-up shirt that she could tell he ironed. He smelled good and combed his hair. He pulled out her seat and led them in polite, albeit topical conversation throughout their meal in a trendy vegan restaurant in the city. He did everything right, and yet she found herself regrettably unmoved. There wasn't a single thrill or tingle throughout the meal. Not when his wrist brushed her arm as he pushed in her chair. Not when he smiled at her from across the table. Not even when he leaned down at the end of the date and pressed his lips to her cheek. It was a pleasant night, she'd give him that. But nothing more.

She decided to go for a walk after she had returned home. Changing from her heels into simple black flats, she headed out into the cool night to clear her head. Her thoughts drifted to Finn, and how she felt she had somehow betrayed him by moving on too soon. She knew this was what he would have wanted. He told her to experience life, and wasn't that what she had just done? Roger was a nice guy who had invited her to a nice dinner, yet she couldn't enjoy herself. She sat down on one of the benches dispersed around the campus, stretching her legs in front of her.

"Rachel?"

She glanced to her side, surprised to find Jesse standing above her. He was wearing the same leather jacket from before, his hair tousled from the wind.

"Hey. What are you doing out here?"

"I went for a walk. You?"

"Same."

He sat next to her and said, "I thought you had a date?"

"I did. I came here after he dropped me off."

Jesse nodded. "So, how'd it go?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "He thinks it went well. It was nice enough. I couldn't stop thinking about Finn, though. I mean, the last person I dated was him. That was three years. Minus you, of course."

"Of course," he echoed.

She glanced up at him, brown eyes shining beneath her lashes. He wanted to draw her to his side and take away whatever pain she was feeling, but he kept his hands to himself.

"I'm ready to move on," she said. "Or at least I thought I was. But tonight felt wrong."

"Maybe it's just because you were with the wrong guy," he suggested. She went to argue and he said, "I don't mean he wasn't a nice guy. I'm sure he was. I just mean that maybe he wasn't the right guy for you."

"I was excited," she said softly. "Not for the date really, but to finally move forward. The date terrified me, but the notion of finally putting the past behind me? I was sort of in love with it."

"You always were in love with ideas," Jesse noted wryly.

She laughed a bit but the laughter caught in her throat as her face crumpled. She sobbed into her hand and he gently put an arm around her shoulders, coaxing her against his side. She turned into him, pressing her face against his neck.

"You and your dramatics," he murmured, rubbing her arm.

"It's not fair," she sobbed against his neck. She pulled back slightly as she said, "He gets to just go and end things. Finished. And I have to drag myself through all of this. I have to find myself again and learn to not love him. He's probably forgotten me already."

"Rachel Berry, believe me when I say that no man who loved you can ever forget you," he said slowly, nudging her chin so that she was looking at him. "I mean that."

She gazed at him, lips parted. "And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"You seem to have forgotten about me. Barely batted a lash when you heard about my date."

He clenched his jaw and returned, "I have miraculous control, Rachel. You know that."

She stared at him. "What does that even mean?"

He hesitated before saying, "It means that I can't remember anything that happened at dinner, because I was too pre-occupied with thinking about you in that yellow dress."

Her gaze had softened and she murmured, "You've always been so good with words."

He chuckled, removing his arm from her shoulders. He had taken things too far. He only meant to comfort her, and now he had quite nearly admitted his feelings.

"Yes, no one can turn a honeyed phrase quite like I can," he said. "So, can I walk you back to your dorm? You really shouldn't be out here by yourself."

She nodded, standing up and smoothing her dress. They chatted amicably on the way back to her dorm, the heaviness of their previous exchange lifted and replaced with comfortable banter. Neither mentioned what they had discussed, or his thinly veiled allusion to feelings. When they arrived at her dorm, he touched her arm lightly and then left. She watched him go for a moment before turning and returning to her room.

**A/N: I ALMOST put a kiss in here, but decided that would be way too easy. What did you think of this one?**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I have been on a huge 90's drama kick lately. First it was Dawson's Creek and now it's Felicity. I don't know what's wrong with me. lol Anyhoo, this was inspired by an episode of Felicity. You will DEFINITELY like it! Happy reading :D**

Chapter Nine

Rachel and Jesse sat on the floor of her dorm room, spending a typical Thursday night with a board game. They didn't know how it started, really. One Thursday someone had suggested a night of board games and then the next Thursday they did the same thing. Usually it was a group of people, but this Thursday most of the floor was out at a party. Even Megan had opted out of their usual Thursday night festivities – and she was all for the boardgame-ing – so it was only Rachel and Jesse.

"We should have played Candyland," Jesse said, leaning back on his hands. Rachel shook her head immediately, wrinkling her nose as she said, "No way. After last week, there is no way I am playing Candyland again."

"Aw, come on, it wasn't that bad."

"I didn't know it was possible to be so bad at a game that requires absolutely zero skill," Rachel said. She had been terrible at the game, staggeringly so, and she had little interest in reliving that embarrassment.

"You were pretty bad," Jesse admitted. "I actually felt bad for you at points."

She gave him a look and reached forward, giving the wheel in the center of the board game a hearty spin.

"Now this is my type of game," Rachel said, grinning as she moved her tiny car piece several spaces forward.

"The Game of Life is your type of game?" Jesse asked, grinning. "You do realize, it is yet another game that requires absolutely zero skill."

"But there's more to it," she explained levelly. "You get to choose a husband. Randomly find yourself with a house, job and then pick up kids along the way. What is there not to love?"

"I'm still trying to get past the whole you marrying Pacey Witter part of this," he said, smirking at the indignant look that flitted over her face.

"What's wrong with that?"

"For starters, he's not real," Jesse pointed out, giving the wheel a spin.

"It's a _game,_ Jesse," Rachel said, giving him a face. "And like your marrying Laura Osnes is any more realistic."

"At least she actually exists."

"That's about where the realistic part ends."

Jesse moved the piece forward, groaning when he landed on a space that told him his house had flooding damage. Rachel grinned wide and said, "You got some house damage there, Jesse?"

"We should seriously go back to Candyland."

"Not a chance. Now hush, I need to focus," she said, silencing him with a wave of her hand.

"Focus for what?"

"I'm going to get Pacey and I some kids," she said decisively, spinning the wheel. She squealed excitedly when she landed on a space for twins.

Jesse shook his head. "You take this game far too seriously."

"You're just upset because you and Laura are currently childless. Now, I'll let you in on a little way my dads and I would play this when I was little. If you get to the last kid space and you still have an empty nest there, you get three chances."

Jesse had to smirk at the solemnity in which she told him this and said, "I am now breathing easier. Thank you, Rachel."

"What can I say? I'm here to help."

He laughed, watching her spin the wheel and move on to another kid space. She added another person to her car, grinning wildly. His smile softened as she tilted her head to the side, considering names. So far she had a theme going on, where all the kids had names that started with R. She racked up another son and was having difficulty choosing a name.

"Robert or Richard?" she mused, her mouth screwed to the side as she considered the merits of each name. "Both are strong names, but is one stronger? I don't know."

She was crazy sitting there mulling over the merits of names for her fake children. Some would probably say her efforts were a bit much, but she did it all with such sincerity. That was the thing about Rachel, she put her full self into everything she did. Whether it was preparing a song or choosing names for her and Pacey Witter's fictional children, she gave it her full consideration. And he'd be damned if it didn't make him want to kiss her right there over the game board.

"What do you think?" she asked, looking at him expectantly. He didn't know what he thought about the names, but he did know that he seemed to have lost control of his senses as he leaned forward, one hand finding the back of her neck as he brought her mouth to his. She was frozen at first, but the familiar feel of his mouth against hers coaxed her from her stupor and she kissed him back softly. Warning bells went off in her head as she edged forward, her hand messily landing on the gameboard. She ignored them, but Jesse must have been hearing similar ones as he pulled away abruptly, an apology tumbling out of his mouth as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Jesse-"

"I'm sorry," he said, standing up. "I don't know why I did that. I-I'll go."

"No, Jesse…" Rachel said, scrambling off the floor to go after him. He was already at the door when she grabbed his arm. "You don't have to leave. Let's finish the game."

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Jesse said. The way she was looking up at him, gaze imploring him to stay, he could already feel himself being drawn toward her. If he stayed, he knew without a doubt that something else would happen.

"We can just forget it happened," she said. "We'll pretend it never did."

"Rachel-"

"Please, let's just finish the game."

He didn't want to stay – knew he shouldn't – but he sat down regardless. She followed suit, smiling in relief. They went back to the game, but their dynamic had shifted. The banter was forced, and when his arm brushed hers as he reached forward to move his game piece, she pulled back as if she had been burned.

* * *

"It's a complete disaster," Rachel said unhappily, sprawled out on her bed with her hands resting over her eyes. Megan glanced at her as she folded her laundry and said, "What's a complete disaster?"

"My life. My very being."

"Well, aren't we dramatic today," Megan sing-songed.

Rachel sat up, tossing her a steely look. "I have a right to be dramatic. Jesse and I are basically done being friends."

"Wait, this is about Jesse?" Megan asked, her eyes widening. "Hold on, did something happen last night? Rachel!"

Rachel gaped at her. "What did you think the whole 'It's a complete disaster' was about?"

"You're always saying things like that. I'm de-sensitized. Anyway, what happened?"

"Well, he kissed me."

Megan stared at her, mouth agape as an unfolded t-shirt hung midair from her hand. After a moment, Megan seemed to find herself and she tossed the shirt back on her bed and moved over toward Rachel, plopping down next to her on the bed.

"Tell me everything. If you leave out even one detail I will never forgive you."

"It happened there," Rachel said, pointing at the spot on the floor where they had been playing. Megan nodded appreciatively and said, "That's a good spot."

"We were playing The Game of Life and while I was trying to choose a name for Pacey and my fifth child, Jesse just leaned forward and kissed me."

"You know, I always thought The Game of Life was a sexy game," Megan said.

Rachel gave her a look. "No, it's definitely not."

"Well, when you and Jesse are making out during it then yeah, it's sort of sexy," Megan told her. "Anyway, so are you guys together now?"

"What? No! Why would you think that?" Rachel said, eyes wide with outrage.

"Um, maybe because you said that he kissed you? It's sort of a logical conclusion to get to, Rach."

"We are not together," Rachel said firmly. "The kiss was a mistake. We both agreed."

Megan frowned. "Really?"

"Really," she said decisively. "Jesse and I are just friends."

"Yeah," Megan said unconvincingly. "Just friends who kiss during game night."

"Megan-"

"I don't understand why you two are being so stupid," Megan said, shaking her head. "You guys have been dancing around this for weeks, and now something finally happens and you write it off as a mistake. Did you ever think that this is a sign? That this means that you should get your heads out of your asses and actually try being happy?"

"I am happy," Rachel replied. It was a weak argument, and she knew it.

"Yeah, you're not doing bad," Megan said. "But you're always doing a little better when he's in the room."

"I can't get involved with him. We only-"

"Hurt each other," Megan finished, nodding her head. "Yeah yeah, I know all about both of your little hang-ups where getting together is concerned."

Rachel looked at her strangely and said, "Both?"

"I may or may not have brought this exact topic up with Jesse before your date with Roger," Megan said, shrugging. "Anyway-"

"Why would you bring any of this up with him?" Rachel interrupted. The idea of Megan discussing her and Jesse's complicated relationship with him both bothered and terrified her.

"He was all sorts of jealous about Roger moving in on you," Megan said casually. Although Rachel had pretty much already known this, hearing it was something different.

"And so you just decided to grill him about our relationship?"

"Yep. Pretty much."

Rachel looked to the side and asked, "So, uh, what else did he say?"

Megan laughed. "Oh no, this is not how it works."

Rachel returned her gaze to Megan and asked, "What?"

"If you are so set on you two being friends, then you don't get to pick apart what he said."

"Who said I was going to pick it apart?"

Megan set her with a look and said, "You're a girl, Rachel. That's what we do."

"Well fine," Rachel said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't care what he said."

It was a lie, and they both knew it. She held her ground, though, because it was clear that without admitting that she considered her and Jesse for more she wouldn't be getting a peep out of Megan, and she refused to admit anything. Especially when it wasn't true – which she was sure of. Pretty sure of, at least. Yes, there had been something in that kiss. Her stomach had flipped and she felt that distinct throb between her legs that she hadn't felt in ages, but that didn't mean anything. She had barely been touched in months, after all. It was only natural that she would feel something.

"Alright, you continue that inner monologue that I'm sure is running through your mind right now," Megan said, patting her leg. "I'm going to get some work done."

* * *

She spent a long time debating whether or not to call him. All her instincts told her that she shouldn't, but she had a feeling these instincts were driven by the deep-seated fear that actually talking with him would force her to face the truth. Because the truth was that she did feel something when he kissed her. And it wasn't guilt or confusion. It had been lust, something she hadn't felt in a while, and that scared her. She didn't know if she was ready to explore what all of this actually meant, but she knew she couldn't push it aside. They had to talk. For the sake of the friendship.

That was the excuse that she gave herself for calling him. He had become one of her best friends since they ran into each other in that freshman orientation, and she didn't want to lose him. She couldn't lose him, not when there was such a simple solution.

He didn't answer for a few rings, something that she automatically read too much into. Jesse answered phone calls on the first or second ring usually, and she immediately wondered if he was hesitating. Even worse, was he with someone else?

"Hey, what's up?"

"I nearly missed you there," she noted.

"Yeah, my phone was buried under a heap of sheet music. Sorry about that."

She immediately felt silly for assuming something worse. "Right. So, uh, how are you?"

"I'm good," he said. She tried to pick up any notes of discomfort in his voice, but he sounded normal. "How about you? Did Megan get you with stories from her night of debauchery yet?"

Rachel laughed. "No, not yet. I'm sure they're coming, though. So…" She trailed off, biting the inside of her cheek. She didn't want to put it right out there, but she realized that there was no other way to ask about the kiss than…well…asking about the kiss.

"So…" he echoed.

"We kissed," she said. "Last night."

"Yeah. I remember."

"I know that I said we should just forget that it happened, but I thought about it more and-"

"We don't have to do this, Rachel," he said. "We don't have to overanalyze it. I made a mistake."

"We both did," she said softly, remembering that he hadn't been alone in the act. She kissed him back.

"Do we really need to make anything more of it then?"

"I just don't want things to be uncomfortable between us now," she said. "You're one of my best friends and-"

"Hold on," he interrupted. "You think of me as one of your best friends?"

Picking at her comforter she said, "Um, yeah. I do. Don't you think of me as one of yours?"

He didn't answer for a second, but when he did the smile was evident in his voice. "Yeah. I guess I do, too."

"I don't want to ruin that," Rachel said. "So, we need to talk this out."

"Talk the kiss out," Jesse clarified, his voice hesitant.

"Yeah. So, you go first."

He laughed and said, "Why do I have to go first?"

"Because you're the one who kissed me," she pointed out obviously. And besides, she had been the one to call. It was his turn.

"I don't really know why I kissed you," he admitted after a second. "I was just acting on an impulse, I guess."

"You have an impulse to kiss me?" Rachel asked carefully. She didn't know how she felt about that.

"Yeah," he said. "I do."

Biting her lip she asked, "And how often do you get this impulse?"

Jesse laughed. "More than I care to admit."

She didn't respond, smiling to herself.

"So," he began, "I think it's your turn. Why did you kiss me back?"

That was a good question.

"I don't really know, either," Rachel admitted. "I guess I was just acting on an impulse, too."

"Well, then I think we have our solution," Jesse said.

"We do?"

"We just have to stop being so damn impulsive."

She laughed. "We're in college, Jesse. Sort of comes with the territory."

"Okay, well, then we just need to warn the other party when we feel an impulsive urge coming on. We can have a signal."

"A signal?"

"Yeah. You can pull on your earlobe or something."

"That's your brilliant idea, Jesse? I can pull on my earlobe?"

"Well, it's a work in progress," he retorted.

She leaned back against her bed's headboard, finding comfort in the ease with which they had fallen back into their banter. Maybe, just maybe, they were going to be okay.

"So, we're good?" she asked after they settled on the fact that perhaps earlobe pulling would not be the most stealthy way to warn each other of impulsive urges.

"Yeah, Rach, we're good."

**A/N: So, the first kiss! Ahh! Tell me what you thought :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! They honestly make my day. Anyhoo, hope you enjoy this!**

Chapter Ten

"What are we doing tonight?" Megan asked, striding into Rachel's room without even a knock. Rachel smirked, glancing up from her book.

"I don't know about you, but I'm staying in."

Megan looked at her book and shot her a disgusted look. "Rach, there are only so many times you can read that Barbra Streisand biography before I officially label you as weird."

"It's research for my future success," Rachel returned easily.

"Yeah, well, how about we go out and make some memories to go into your own biography. No one is going to want to read about the early Rachel Berry years where all she did was sit and read books on Saturday nights. Why? Because it is boring. And sort of depressing."

"Megan-"

"Come on, you have to come out!" Megan said, dramatically dropping onto Rachel's bed, her hands noisily hitting the mattress. "It is my job to make sure you make the most out of your time at NYADA!"

"And how did you get that unfortunate job?"

Megan shot her a look. "I became your friend. I know, I wish someone would have warned me first, too. But, the damage is already done. Let's make the most of it, yeah? Besides, we have something really fun planned for tonight."

Rachel took the bait and asked, "What are these grand plans?"

"Karaoke."

As clichéd as it was for performing arts students to go out and do karaoke, it actually intrigued Rachel. She always loved karaoke. Her parents bought her very first karaoke machine when she was five, and she had been smitten ever since. She used to buy all of those cheesy tapes from infomercials and keep her parents up with her raucous singing.

"Alright, I'll go," Rachel said, closing her book.

Megan looked unconvinced and said, "Really? You are swayed that easily?"

"When karaoke is involved, yes."

Megan nodded appreciatively. "Hm, I'll have to remember that."

"So, what should I wear?"

"Whatever," Megan said dismissively, picking up the Streisand biography and flipping through to look at the pictures. Rachel knew better than to trust her friend's flippant reponse, having been on the receiving end of too many outfit-related-diatribes when she came out of her dorm room in something that Megan did not deem appropriate for whatever activity was on the agenda. She picked out an outfit and showed it to Megan before she put it on. Megan tilted her head to the side and said, "Love the skirt. Hate the shirt."

Rachel shook her head, not at all surprised by the last comment, and grabbed another shirt. She showed it to Megan and the girl's eyes lit up.

"That is it, Berry!" Megan enthused. "Put it on!"

Rachel changed quickly, putting on a touch of make-up before turning toward Megan and telling her she was ready. Megan closed the book, shaking her head as she said, "Babs had some really unfortunate hair styles."

"It was the 70's," Rachel replied. Megan nodded, that utterance enough of a reason. Together they headed out to meet their other friends. Rachel told herself she would not look for Jesse, but her eyes sought him in the crowd regardless. She smiled when she spotted him in the back.

"You got roped into this, too?" a girl, Tracy, beside her asked. Rachel grinned, meeting Jesse's eyes. "No rope is necessary to get me to karaoke."  
"So, Rachel, will you save me a duet?" Jesse asked as they made their way out of the dormitory.

"Do you even have to ask?"

He laughed. "I guess the real question is whether or not you'll let me choose the song."

"Let me solve this problem for you right here and do the song choosing for both of you," Megan cut in, joining them. "Because, let's face it, otherwise we'll be stuck listening to some showtune. And as much as I love showtunes, they have no place at karaoke night."

Rachel and Jesse exchanged a look, both of them trying not to laugh. This did not go unnoticed by Megan, and she said, "Exchange all the looks you want, kiddos, song choice is mine!"

"Fine," Rachel relented. "Do we at least hold some veto power?"

"Nope," Megan returned happily.

Rachel sighed. "Fine. But I refuse to sing any Sonny and Cher."

"And I don't rap," Jesse added.

Megan shook her head, looking between the two of them. "You guys are way too picky. But don't you worry. I will find you guys the _perfect_ song."

* * *

The group grabbed one of the larger tables at the lounge, ordering pitchers of coke and some French fries for the table. Roger sat next to Rachel and gave her a casual smile, which she returned. He had been really understanding when she told him about Finn and how she wasn't ready for a new relationship. She expected some sort of indignant response, but he instead surprised her by saying that he completely understood, and if she ever needed to talk he was a willing listener. From there they developed a natural friendship.

One of their friends went up to the microphone and the beginning notes of an Alanis Morisette song began to play. Roger winced and said, "Why do I have a feeling this is going to painful?"

"She's not a vocal performance major," Rachel reasoned. "So the odds are fairly high."

"Promise me you won't sing any Alanis tonight. It is much too clichéd."

She grinned. "I promise. That's not really my style, anyway."

"What is your style? A little Broadway? A splash of Big Band?"

She laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. "That actually does sound a lot like me. For karaoke, though, I like to break out the big 90s hits."

"90s hits, huh?"

She nodded, putting on a serious face as she listed off, "Britney Spears, is a must. And then Christina Aguilera, because you can't have a 90s list without her. Then some boy band action. Weird Al."

Roger laughed. "Weird Al? Please, go sing a Weird Al song up there. No one will be able to top that."

She laughed, shaking her head. "I don't know if this crowd can handle Weird Al."

"Megan is beckoning us," Jesse said, coming up behind her. He offered Roger a tight smile. Despite him knowing that Roger and Rachel were strictly friends, he still wasn't overly fond of the guy.

"Has she chosen her song of doom?" Rachel asked, giving Roger a small wave and following Jesse to the front.

"Song of doom?"

"You know that there was a reason behind her choosing our song," Rachel said. "It's going to be really bad. Or really embarrassing."

"You have a point," Jesse said, rubbing his chin. "Make the best of it?"

"You know me. I roll with the punches."

Jesse snorted. "Sure. That's you. Roll-With-The-Punches-Berry."

"I'm going to ignore that sarcasm and assume that you are being completely genuine there," Rachel said with a grin. "Now, it's time to face the music. Literally."

They came up to Megan who looked far too satisfied with her song choice.

"What'd you choose?" Rachel asked.

"You'll see."

"What do you mean, 'you'll see'?" Rachel asked, planting her hands on her hips. "You don't mean…"

Megan grinned. "That is exactly what I mean! The song will be a surprise!"

"But-"

"Come on, Rachel," Jesse said, putting his hands on her shoulders and guiding her toward the stage. "Two professionals like us can handle a bit of a surprise."

"What if I don't know the song?" Rachel asked, feeling her nerves pulled taut like a violin string. This wasn't right. Karaoke was not supposed to make her nervous.

"You know the song," Megan said, overhearing her comment. "It's actually one of your favorites."

"It is?"

Megan nodded. "Yeah. You've woken us up with it nearly every morning while you've showerd this week. Thanks for that, by the way."

Jesse laughed. "See, you have nothing to worry about."

He was wrong. Rachel had been stuck on one song for the past week, and that was definitely not a song she wanted to sing with Jesse St. James. She only nodded, taking a deep breath as she told herself that everything would be okay. It was only a song. She told herself that over and over. It was only a song.

The song began, and she noticed Jesse's jaw tense when he saw what Megan had chosen. _You still think there's nothing to worry about, buddy, _she thought. He was visibly uncomfortable when he sang the first verse.

_I want to watch you undress_

_I want watch you glow_

_Let your hair down _

_All around and cover us both_

_You come in waves_

_We crash and we roll_

_You surround me_

_Pull me _

_Drown me then swallow me whole_

Even after all this time, when she started in on the chorus with him, the sound of their voices comingling made her stomach twist. She stared at the monitor, not daring to look at him.

_You turn, turn, turn_

_Turning me on_

_Like a slow fire burn_

_I know that it's wrong_

_Still I run, run, run_

_Run right into you_

_Yeah, I run, run, run_

_Run right into you_

Her verse came and she found herself thinking about the kiss as she caressed the words. Without meaning to she glanced over at him, heart slamming against her chest when his eyes met hers.

_You pull me in close_

_Buckle my knees_

_I shake and I shift just to feel you breathe_

_You trace my lines_

_Stir in my soul_

_Shoot sparks at the heart of the world_

_And I watch it explode_

The entire room seemed to fall away, except for them on that stage, singing aloud what they would never readily admit. Rachel knew exactly why Megan chose this song, and she was powerless to its effect. Jesse stepped closer and she turned toward him, unable to resist placing a hand on his chest as his free hand found the curve of her waist.

_You turn, turn, turn_

_Turning me on_

_Like a slow fire burn_

_I know that it's wrong_

_Still I run, run, run_

_Run right into you_

_Yeah, I run, run, run_

_Run right into you_

They were still wrapped up in each other when the song ended, so much so that they didn't move until Megan bound up on stage and tapped Rachel on the shoulder.

"I think you guys put on enough of a show," Megan teased, pulling Rachel off the stage, Jesse following. Rachel ran a hand through her hair, heart beating madly. She felt as if she couldn't breathe, not without his hand on her waist and face inches from hers.

"Meg, I need to get some fresh air," she said quickly. "A little too much excitement for me up there."

Megan grinned wickedly. "I noticed."

"Shut up."

Jesse was already back at the table, pouring himself a glass of coke, when she went outside. She leaned against the brick building, trying to catch her breath. What the hell happened up there? They were doing so well with the only being friends and then the moment they sang together she was overridden with impulses that went even beyond what happened in her bedroom. The door opened and Jesse settled beside her against the wall.

"You okay?"

"I just got a little overheated," she lied.

"Yeah," he said, resting his heel against the wall. "Me too."

He glanced over at her and she gazed at his face, lips parting slightly. "Jesse?"

"Yeah."

"I think one of us should be pulling our earlobe right now."

"You're right," he said, turning away and leaning his head against the wall as she had earlier.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, kicking a few loose rocks with the toe of her shoe.

"No, you're right," he said. "This is the, uh, mature thing to do. The adult thing."

"Right," she said. "And what are we, if not near-adults?"

"Exactly," he said. He pushed off the wall and offered her his hand. "So, ready to head back in? If we stay out here any longer we won't be able to convince Megan that all we did was talk."

Rachel laughed and took his hand. "You're right. But, I think it's fair to say we are never letting Megan choose a duet again."

Jesse grinned. "Yep. Never again."

**A/N: I'd love to hear your thoughts!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: It's been a while. I wish I had a good excuse, but if you've seen all I've written while this has languished in no-update-land, you know I don't have one. A new chapter is here, though, and I'm hoping it makes up for my absence :D**

Chapter Eleven

Throughout high school, Rachel had been enchanted by dances. Even when she wasn't dating the captain of the football team, she had looked forward to Homecoming, beginning her dress search the moment the Fall styles hit the stores. It had been one of those typical high school experiences that Rachel loved, despite her social standing or relationship status.

She thought dances were in her past, though. She rarely heard of college dances – and the ones she _did_ hear about were lame and held in some dorm's musty party room with stale beer and outdated playlists. NYADA was apparently different, though. Megan was going on about some dance, and it actually sounded good. Listening to Megan describe a night on a boat overlooking the Hudson River, Rachel felt the same rush of excitement she felt at McKinley.

"I got you a ticket," Megan said, pulling the red slip of paper from her wallet. "It sold out about five minutes after I got there. You can thank me later."

Rachel looked down at the ticket, running her finger over the embossed letters.

_The Thespians Ball_

"Despite the awful name, I hear it's the absolute event of the year," Megan said. "People wait in line to get these babies. I just happened to be in the building early for class."

"It says we can bring someone," Rachel said, glancing up from the ticket. "They mean like, a date?"

"In theory yes," Megan said. "But I guess you could just invite a friend. In case you were wondering, I'm inviting Jesse to save you from the arduous debate of whether or not you should chance toppling your precarious friendship by offering him an invitation."

Rachel rolled her eyes. Ever since karaoke, Megan had been dropping increasingly obvious hints about her and Jesse.

"How considerate of you," Rachel deadpanned.

"Anyone special you were thinking of inviting?" Megan asked, waggling her eyebrows.

"No. What was that eye brow waggle for?"

Megan shrugged, lips pressed into a goading smirk. "Jealousy can work wonders on certain people."

"And who would I want to work wonders on?"

Megan gave her a look. "Rachel, we both know if anyone is going to man up and admit they have feelings, it's Jesse."

"Megan," Rachel sighed, drawing out her name as she shook her head. "Are we ever going to move on from this?"

"No. I prefer to beat it like a dying horse."

"How poetic," Rachel deadpanned. "And might I add disturbing?"

"You should bring Roger," Megan said suddenly, grinning wide. "He would be perfect."

"For what?"

"For making Jesse jealous, silly," Megan said. "Just imagine his face when he sees you walk in with Roger."

Rachel frowned at the imagery. "Yeah, not the best sell."

"Maybe it would force him to act, because we all know you won't."

"Can you just accept that Jesse and I aren't going to be together and move on, please?"

"No, I can't," Megan said. "Because both of you are openly rejecting happiness, and that bothers me. Therefore, I will continue badgering until one of you pulls your head out of your ass and does something."

Rachel sighed, seeing that there was nothing she could do to dissuade her friend from her misguided matchmaking. She cringed when she thought about the dance, and the myriad of ways that Megan could force them together. She imagined Megan taking her date for a spin and pushing her and Jesse together. As the scene unfolded to her and Jesse dancing, his arms around her waist and their bodies close, she scene became admittedly better.

"We're going dress shopping tomorrow," Megan said, interrupting her thoughts. "And you better ask Roger soon. He's one of the good ones, Rach. It won't be long before someone else swoops in."

Rachel thought of another good one, and her stomach twisted at the thought of anyone else getting a piece.

* * *

"No, take that off immediately," Megan said, shaking her head. Her and Rachel were at Macy's, trying on different dresses for the dance. Rachel had on a knee-length cocktail dress in a deep crimson. She liked it on the hanger, and didn't mind it on, but Megan seemed to feel differently.

"What's wrong with it?" Rachel asked, admiring herself in the mirror. The skirt hung nicely and she swung her hips side to side, watching the material swirl around her legs.

"Everything. Everything is wrong with it."

"I kind of like it."

"Rachel, look at yourself. You are young. You are hot. You should not be wearing a _cocktail_ dress."

"What if I like cocktail dresses?"

Megan made a disgusted face. "Be serious, Rachel."

"I am being serious."

"You're wearing a knee-length dress when you have better legs than Sutton Foster. You cannot be serious."

Rachel smirked. "Go put on your dress. I'm taking this one."

"You _cannot_ be serious!"

"Go," Rachel said, pushing her into the dressing room. Megan made a disgruntled noise, but did what she was told. Rachel stood in front of the mirror in the dressing room, turning around to see the dress from different angles. The skirt really did lay nicely and the halter neckline actually made it look like she had a bust. Yes, it was a bit modest, but she felt like a 1950s movie star in it, and she could just imagine Jesse's-

"No," she said aloud, shaking her head. She didn't care what Jesse would think of the dress. No, sir. She did not care one bit.

"I think we found a winner," Megan said, emerging from the dressing room. She was wearing a shimmering gold mini-dress that set off her dark, almost ink-black, hair. She did a little shimmy in front of the mirror, grinning wide.

"Oh, I am so reeling one in at that dance," she enthused.

"The dress is definitely you," Rachel said, smirking at the stark contrast between her and Megan's choices.

Megan glanced at Rachel and frowned. "Alright, I hate to admit it, but that dress is growing on me."

Rachel smiled. "No, it's not. But thanks for saying it."

"Well, I tried," Megan said off-handedly, returning her attention to her reflection in the mirror. "Alright, you ready to go?"

* * *

That night in the dining hall Rachel was on her own, Megan camping out in the practice rooms to prepare a piece for Friday. She saw Jesse sitting by himself at one of the corner tables and she joined him.

"Hey," he said, smiling casually up at her. She saw he was nearly finished with his dinner and she said, "You don't have to stay if you're finished. I just saw you over and here and-"

"It's fine," he interrupted, same smile in place. "It's either this or Pawn Stars re-runs with my roommate, so…"

Rachel laughed. "Well, I'm glad I rank above Pawn Stars."

He nodded along and said, "Yeah, just about anything ranks above Pawn Stars."

"Oh, I'm absolutely flattered then," she joked. She waited a beat before saying, "So, I heard Megan asked you to the Thespian Ball."

"Yeah, we're just going as friends, though."

"I know," Rachel said, nodding. "She told me."

"Great. So, uh, who are you going with?"

"I was thinking of asking Roger," she said off-handedly, gauging his reaction. Sure enough, she noticed his jaw tense and he glanced away for one tense moment before saying, "That's great."

"As friends," she added. "I'm going to ask him as friends."

"Well, I'm sure you two will have a good time."

"I think we're going as a group," she said tentatively. "You know, Megan, you, me and whoever I ask."

"Oh, right."

"Anyway, we went dress shopping today," she said, desperate to get on any topic of conversation that did not include dates or Roger. It was her own fault for bringing up, but it didn't changer her wanting to hightail it from the topic. He took the bait and said, "And how did that go?"

"Megan got a dress suited for working corners."

He smirked. "How fitting."

"And she, of course, hated my dress. I like it, though."

"What's it like?" he asked.

"Halter. Full skirt."

"Sounds like the ones you guys wore to Regionals," he said. She thought back on the gold Betsey Johnson's they wore her sophomore year, and she realized that they did have the same silhoutte.

"It's crimson," she said after a moment. "Not gold."

"Well, I'm sure you look great in it."

It was one of the stock things that a guy said, she'd heard it said a dozen times back in McKinley, but it still made her palms itch.

"We'll see," she said primly, taking a bite of her salad. "You have a tux?"

"Of course," he said. "Just as every self-respecting man should."

She smirked. "Well, then it sounds like both of us will be well out-fitted for the dance."

"I couldn't envision anything less," he said smoothly. "Well, I actually do need to head out. I need to run a few songs before class."

She nodded. "Sure, I'll see you later in dance."

"See you then." He picked up his tray and turned toward the exit. Taking a bite of her salad, Rachel watched him leave the cafeteria, her eyes following his form until he was out of sight.

**A/N: You know what would make my night/day? Feedback! I'd love to hear your thoughts :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This is a little teaser for the next big chapter. I wanted to give you something today, but knew the whole chapter would take too long. You can expect the next chapter tomorrow :D**

Chapter Twelve

"What do you think about this lipstick?" Megan asked, turning toward Rachel. They were both getting ready for the dance in Rachel's dorm room. Megan insisted that this sort of bonding ritual would enhance their dance experience, and Rachel didn't mind the company.

"I think it looks great," Rachel said. Megan was clearly not happy with the color, though, and Rachel knew from experience that asking her opinion was more for show than anything else.

"I don't know. It look a little too trollop-y to me."

Rachel smirked. "Well, you wouldn't want that."

"Alright, I guess it's the pink lipstick for tonight." Megan wet a kleenex and then wiped off the bright red lipstick. Rachel was nearly done with her make-up, not wanting too much. In her experience, you sweated most of it off at a dance, anyway. And raccoon eyes weren't a good look on anyone.

"And I'm done," Rachel said, adding one final swipe of mascara on her eyelashes. Megan, who still had her entire eyes to finish, explored the top of Rachel's desk and said, "Shit. I think I left my eye make-up in my room. I'll be right back."

Megan left, closing the door behind her. A full length mirror hung on the back of the door and Rachel turned around, checking her reflection. She did a slow turn, watching all the different angles. By the end she was smiling softly, imagining Jesse's face when he saw her.

There was a knock on her door, and Rachel backed up a bit in surprise. She couldn't remember the last time Megan had actually knocked before barging in, and a comment was poised on her tongue when she opened the door and found someone who was decidedly not Megan on the other side.

A series of emotions descended on her as her and the other person stared at each other. Surprise. Confusion. Embarrassment. Her voice shook when she murmured, "Finn."

"You look fantastic," Finn said, his eyes darting everywhere. Her dress. Her face. Her lips.

"What-what are you doing here?" she stammered, still not fully believing he was there. "I thought you enlisted."

"My base is about an hour away," he said. "I thought I'd visit."

"You didn't call…"

He smiled slightly. "I wanted to surprise you. Seems I might have a bit too much. Looks like you're going somewhere."

She nodded. "It's this dance thing. Some friends and I are going."

Megan came over then, eyes travelling up and down Finn's tall frame. She looked at Rachel and nodded appreciatively. Rachel shook her head.

"Megan, uh, this is Finn."

Her friend's eyes widened in recognition and she said, "Finn. Hello. You are very tall."

Finn laughed. "Thanks?"

"It's a compliment," Megan said. "I'm Megan, by the way."

"Nice to meet you."

"Megan, do you mind if Finn and I…" Rachel trailed off, tilting her head toward her room.

"No! Of course not! You go do…whatever you're going to do," Megan said. She spotted someone down the hallway and she said, "Yeah, go do that. Preferably now."

Rachel saw Jesse at the end of the hallway and she quickly pulled Finn into her room. She didn't think that Jesse saw him, and silently prayed that he hadn't. Finn looked around her room, no doubt noticing the absence of pictures of them. She had a few when she first moved in, but put them away in an effort to get over him. Standing with him in her bedroom, she thought to herself that it worked.

She really was over him.

Yes, she was happy to see him. He was a friend and always would be, but she didn't feel any of the chest-crushing-emotion that she knew without a doubt she would have felt if he showed up even a month earlier.

"So, this is your new home," Finn said, his gaze falling on her again. "It fits you."

"It's a bit like living in a shoebox," she admitted with a small grin. "But it's my very own shoebox."

He picked up a picture of New Directions that rested on her desk. It was taken at Nationals when they won their very first and last National title.

"Do you miss it?" he asked, showing her the picture.

"Sometimes. Do you?"

He nodded. "I miss you, too."

"Finn-"

"I'm not here to start anything," Finn said. "I just want you to know. I miss you, too."

She pressed her lips together, staring at the floor. She knew she should say it back. It was partially true. But saying it would give him ideas that she no longer shared.

"How's the army?" she asked, changing the subject.

"It's hard. Everything's really structured. Regimented. I get yelled at about eight times a day. I like it, though."

"That's good. I'm happy for you, Finn. I really am."

Rachel heard commotion outside of her door, and she heard Megan say, "Don't go in there!" when the door opened. It seemed like slow motion. Jesse looked at Finn and then her. He didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes was easy enough to read. Finn reacted in much of the same matter. He was as unaware of Jesse's presence there as Jesse was of his.

"Hello Finn," Jesse said. "I take it you'll be coming with us to the dance."

"No," Rachel said immediately. He had it wrong. Everything was wrong. "Roger's meeting us there. He had to get new shoes for his tux."

"I didn't know you were here," Finn said, pulling himself to his full height. Rachel wanted to practically jump out the window when Jesse replied, "I could say the same about you."

Thankfully, Megan was an expert at diffusing awkward situations and she took a hold of both Rachel and Jesse's arms and said, "Guys, we need to go pronto. I don't want all the appetizers to be eaten without us."

"Let me just have a minute with Finn," Rachel said, avoiding Jesse's gaze. "I'll meet you guys out there."

Megan nodded, tugging Jesse out of the room and Rachel closed the door.

"I need to go," Rachel said.

"That's fine. I'll leave then."

"No," Rachel said. "Stay here."

"You don't mind?"

Rachel shook her head. He came all the way to New York to see her. The least she could do was give her some of her time. "We can talk when I get back. It might be late…"

"I just need to be back by four tomorrow."

She nodded. "That's fine. I'll see you when I get back."

"Alright. I'll be here."

She walked out into the hallway, shutting the door. Megan and Jesse were standing to the side, speaking heatedly. They stopped when Megan spotted Rachel, and she set Jesse with a look before asking, "Is everything okay, Rach?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine."

"We should go," Jesse said, shoving his hands in his pockets. She stepped toward him, but he had already moved forward, keeping himself several steps ahead of them. Megan sighed, looking over at Rachel.

"Tonight is going to be _fun_."

**A/N: The dance is next. And believe me - it is going to be DRAMA filled :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Here is the chapter, as promised! **

Chapter Thirteen

Rachel sincerely regretted ever agreeing to go to a dance on a boat, because there is no way off. If the dance was held at a normal function hall, when Jesse grew pissy and proceeded to pointedly ignore her (breaking only for the occasional snide comment) she could have left. On the boat, though, surrounded by water, there was nowhere that Rachel could escape to. She was caught in her own personal hell as she tried to tell Jesse the truth, but he refused to speak to her.

"He really is being a pissy pants about all of this," Megan noted, watching Jesse talk with some classmates on the other side of the dance floor. He caught her and Rachel watching and gave them a stony expression.

"I wish he would talk to me," Rachel sighed. "Just two minutes could clear all of this up."

"He better dance with me," Megan said. "Just because he has his nose all out of joint because that Finn guy is here doesn't mean he should shirk his date duties."

Rachel smirked. "Yes. Because that is the bigger issue here."

"Hey, I turned down some promising date prospects," Megan tossed back. "Jonathan Baker would have totally gone with me. And I've heard he's carrying a ten guage, if you catch my drift."

"Ew," Rachel said, scrunching her nose. "I really wish I didn't."

"Anyway, what's your game plan?"

"My what?"

"Your game plan," Megan repeated. "How are you going to make him talk to you?"

She laughed humorlessly. It was more of a bark than a laugh. "No one makes Jesse do anything. He's even more stubborn than me."

"Well, then what are you going to do?"

"Wait for him to come to his senses," Rachel said decisively. "Soon enough, he will realize out that he is being a complete ass, and then he will apologize."

Megan snorted. "Yeah. Good luck with that."

"Well, what else am I supposed to do?"

"Go over there and lay one on him!" Megan said dramatically. "I bet you that would work."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I am not doing that."

"Come on, he'd be so surprised, he'd probably even let you talk for a few seconds. Then he'd come back to himself, of course, and interrupt you."

Rachel grinned. "I'm still not doing that."

"Fine, do it your own ineffective way. But when we all graduate in four years, and you're still not talking, don't come crying to me."

* * *

Jesse knew he was being immature. He knew he should step back and let her explain, but he didn't want to. He rarely liked what came out of her Finn-related-explanations, and after everything in the past few months, he didn't want to hear it. He thought they were heading toward something. Both had inadvertently admitted some sort of muddled feeling, and yet there he was in her room.

The worst was that she looked guilty when he found them together. That in itself was a sign, because if she didn't still have feelings for Finn, she wouldn't have looked guilty. There would be nothing to be guilty for.

And so he would ignore her. He would push her away, and pretend she wasn't there, because it was easier than facing the facts and accept that once again he had lost to Finn Hudson.

* * *

Rachel and Roger sat at one of the tables lining the dance floor, her eyes trained on Jesse as he danced with some voice major, who she had vaguely heard was loose. Already she thought the worse, and she pushed down the negative thoughts as she turned her attention back to Roger.

"We could start singing songs from _Hairspray_," Roger said. She had been complaining about Jesse's pointed ignoring, and he was coming up with ways to garner his attention. "You know St. James can't ignore a good song and dance number."

Rachel smirked. "I don't know."

"You could fake choke on something."

"Fake choke on something?" Rachel asked, raising an eye brow.

"Or hey, this is sort of crazy, but you could just approach him first."

Rachel shook her head. "I won't be the first one. I tried that earlier, and he wouldn't talk to me. It's up to him now."

"You know, you're both so stubborn you'll get nowhere."

"Well, if that's how it is then…" she shrugged in closure and Roger frowned, shaking his head.

"This is ridiculous." He stood up and offered her his hand. "Come on, let's dance."

She took his hand and they walked out onto the dance floor. It was a big band number and they did some version of a dance they had learned the prior month. They skirted around the dance floor, Rachel laughing as Roger dropped her into a surprise dip. They slowed down a bit as Roger looked at something over her shoulder.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Don't be mad at me," he said, before moving her down the dance floor. She was about to ask why she would be mad at him when she found herself next to Jesse and his partner. Roger dropped his arms from her waist and asked Jesse if he could cut in. Jesse, unable to say no without seeming rude, agreed and stepped back. Roger and the vocal major danced past them, leaving Jesse and Rachel standing in front of each other uncomfortably. He went to turn when she impulsively grabbed his arm, pulling him toward her.

"Rachel-"

"You're dancing with me," she said, leaving no room for argument. She could tell that he wanted to, but he slid his arms around her waist anyway. "Jesse-"

"No," he interrupted. "I don't want to hear it. I agreed to dance with you. Nothing else."

"You can't be serious." He went to pull away and she said, "Fine. I won't talk."

"Good."

They danced quietly for a while. Their eyes were on anything but each other as they moved around the dance floor. After a while, though, Rachel couldn't take the silence.

"I didn't ask him to come."

"Rachel, stop," he said.

"He showed up. I had no idea he was coming."

"Rachel, I mean it," Jesse warned, his jaw tight.

"I was just as surprised to see him as you were. And-"

"Rachel, what part of 'stop' do you not understand?" he threw back, wrenching himself away from her grasp. They were drawing a crowd, and she took a hold of his arm, pulling him into the hallway where the bathrooms were. There were a few people there, but they dispersed when they saw the two were in an argument.

"Rachel-"

"No, you need to hear this," she said fiercely. "So, just be quiet for a few minutes, will you?"

"There is nothing you can tell me that I don't already know," he said. "Let me guess, you can't help the way you feel about him. You thought you were over him, and then he was there and it all came back to you. It's always been him." Her face was hard, eyes blazing, and he said, "That's what you wanted to tell me, right? Come on, Rachel, I know this tune. You've only sung it a hundred times."

She slapped him hard across the face, so unbelievably angry that he was lucky that she didn't do more.

"You ass!" she seethed. "That wasn't what I was going to tell you. That wasn't even close! What I was going to tell you was that I'm no longer in love with Finn. That him showing up today only proved how _not_ in love with him I am. And that you are a pompous, arrogant, unbelievable ass!"

"You slapped me," he murmured, rubbing his jaw.

"Seriously? That's all you get out of what I just said?"

"No, I got a lot of other things," he said. "But I can't believe you slapped me."

She crossed her arms tightly over her chest and said, "Well, you deserve it."

"I guess I did," Jesse said, half to himself. "You really don't love him anymore?"

"No," she said, her irritation flagging. "Don't you know that?"

"Why would I?"

She thought of what Megan had told her earlier, and realized that for once, her friend's advice may be useful. She stepped forward and placed her hands on the back of Jesse's neck, guiding his mouth to hers. He seemed surprised at first, not kissing her back. But as the moment set in, she felt his lips move against hers and his arms wound themselves tightly around her waist.

Someone cleared their throat behind them and they broke apart, flushing when they found a professor looking at them with a bemused expression.

"Break it up, guys," the professor said, walking past them into the bathroom. Rachel laughed, burying her head in Jesse's chest.

"Come on, let's go back out there," Jesse said, kissing the side of her head. She nodded and he slipped his arm around her waist as they walked out.

**A/N: This is a little shorter due to the back-to-back updates. I hope you enjoyed it, though :D And - that thing called feedback? Yeah, I'd love some.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thank you for all of your feedback! I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this :D**

Chapter Fourteen

Rachel expected some sort of over-blown reaction from Megan upon seeing her and Jesse emerge from the hallway in each other's arms, but her friend surprised her by settling with, "It's about damn time."

"That's it?" Rachel asked, stealing a glance at Jesse and seeing the smirk on his face. "You badger us for a good two months about this, and that's all we get?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Megan joked. "I didn't have time to choreograph your congratulatory interpretive dance."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Disappointing, Megan. This is very disappointing."

"So, what happened? What'd you two talk about? You leave out any details and I really will choreograph that dance. And believe me, you don't want that. There's a reason I'm not a dance performance major."

"Well, Jesse was being pissy," Rachel began.

"And then Rachel slapped me," Jesse added thoughtfully. "And then…"

He looked down at Rachel and she finished, "And then we kissed. The end."

Megan looked between them and said, "Hold on, why did you slap him?"

"Because he deserved it."

"I kind of did," Jesse admitted. "And besides, those tiny palms don't enact too much damage. The small circumference and all."

"So, you went straight from slap to kiss?"

Jesse shrugged. "There was a bit in between-"

"A bit that will stay between us," Rachel interjected.

"Yeah, other than that though, it pretty much was one after the other."

Megan shook her head. "I really don't understand you guys. But I'm happy you finally bit the bullet and got together. All that sexual tension was starting to get annoying."

"Starting?" Rachel asked with a knowing grin.

"I'm trying to be nice here," Megan returned. Rachel laughed, leaving Jesse's arms to give her friend a quick hug.

"I know. And that is why we love you."

"Alright, you guys go be all gross on the dance floor," Megan said, grinning a bit. "I am already diverting my eyes."

Rachel laughed, giving her a quick wave as Jesse took a hold of her arm and led her out onto the dance floor. She turned into him, sliding her arms around his neck. Close to him again, she caught notes of the familiar cologne he always wore, and she was transported back to that music store two years ago when they met and everything changed.

"I can't believe we're back here again," she murmured, gazing up at him.

"It was an inevitability," he said with his trademark arrogance, but she knew he was just as surprised and delighted by it all as she was. She could feel it in the careful way that he held her, and the tenderness in his gaze.

She rested her cheek against his chest, her thoughts drifting back to the boy in her bedroom. He thought they were an inevitability too, and she hated that in a few hours she would break his heart. Sure, he had done it to her enough over the years, but he had grown up into a good man and she didn't want to see him hurt.

"Are you thinking about him?" Jesse asked.

"Yeah," she admitted. "But not in the way you think."

"What way then?"

His fingers pressed lightly into her sides, as if he were reminding himself that she was his, and she stroked the back of his neck as if to say, _yes, I am…this time I truly am._

"I know what it feels like to be turned away by the person you love," she said softly. "And I hate that I'm going to do that to him."

Jesse was silent and she wondered if she made a mistake telling him. Finn Hudson had never been a comfortable topic, and even with her firmly on his side – in his arms.

"You're a better person than me," Jesse said. "After everything he put you through, I wouldn't have the least sympathy. He pushed you away more times than I can even count."

"He did," Rachel agreed, resting her chin on his shoulder. "A lot of times for really stupid reasons, too. But this last time, he did it for me. I would still be in Lima if it weren't for him, Jesse. I wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be here."

"So, you're saying I should thank him?"

"No," she said immediately, glancing up at him. "I'm saying that you shouldn't send the firing squad after him."

Jesse's voice was light as he returned, "Now would I ever do that?"

"Yes, you would."

"What are you going to tell him?"

"The truth." She didn't offer any further explanation, and he didn't ask.

* * *

Jesse was quiet when they got back to the dorms, and she found herself with a similar uncharacteristic lack of words. They both knew that Finn Hudson was waiting for her in her dorm room, and although she promised him that she wouldn't change her mind, she knew there was a part of him that didn't believe her. After everything that had happened over the past two years – all the times she _didn't _choose him – she couldn't blame him.

"You want to watch a movie or something?" Megan asked Jesse. She knew he wouldn't want to go back to his own dorm with Finn there, and Rachel would pitch a fit if he stepped anywhere near her room.

"Yeah," Jesse said, glancing at Rachel. "That sounds fine."

"You going to stop by?" Megan asked Rachel, voice deceivingly casual. Rachel shook her head and said, "Probably not. I'll just see you guys tomorrow morning."

Rachel walked over to Jesse and kissed his cheek, giving him a parting look that she hoped imparted what she had been telling him all night. She was choosing him. After all the times she didn't, she finally was.

He gave her a tight smile and then followed Megan into her room. The door closed and Rachel took a deep breath before going into her own room. Finn was stretched out on her bed, fast asleep. Her traitorous heart sped at the sight of him, but she had enough sense not to act on it. Walking forward tentatively, she cleared her throat, hoping she could wake him without much fanfare.

He woke slowly, blinking groggily as he stretched a bit. He smiled sleepily, and she found herself nostalgic, thinking about the first time they had woken up together. She always liked the messy way his hair poked everywhere in the morning.

"You're back," he said, sitting up. He realized a beat too late that he had sleeping on her bed and began sputtering apologies when she stopped him and said, "It's fine. You were only sleeping."

"Yeah," he said, reaching up and patting his hair back into an organized manner. She was glad he did that. It was easier to focus. "How was the dance?"

Her mind was consumed by memories of Jesse's smile. Jesse's touch. Jesse's kiss.

"Good," she said uncomfortably. "It was really nice."

"I'm glad."

"Finn," she began, clasping her hands behind her back. "We-we need to talk."

He nodded, smiling sadly. "I know."

"You do?"

"You and Jesse, right?"

She looked away, her cheeks flushing.

"You don't have to be embarrassed," Finn said. "We're broken up."

When she looked back at him, her eyes were filled with tears. She didn't think it would be this difficult. He even beat her to the punch by mentioning Jesse, but she still found standing in front of him, undoubtedly facing their definite end, the hardest thing she ever had to do. "I'll always love you."

"I know," he said, moving forward slowly and putting his arms around her. He was hesitant, unsure how she would react, but his body relaxed against hers when she pressed her cheek to his chest.

"You will always be my first love," she mumbled, her voice muffled against his shirt. "And I will always be grateful for what you gave me. But…"

"I'm not what you need anymore," he finished. She was silent, reaching up and wiping her nose. "Just tell me, is he good to you? Because, before-"

"He's wonderful," she interrupted, pulling away from him. She put some distance between them, crossing her arms over her chest. "He's grown up. I guess we all have."

"That's good," Finn said, nodding blankly. "That-that's good. I just want you to be happy, and if he makes you happy…"

"He does," she said softly. "He really does."

Finn nodded, something flashing in his eyes that she couldn't discern. He was quiet for a moment, his eyes trained on the carpet, before he turned his gaze back to her. He smiled sadly and said, "You really do look beautiful, Rachel."

"Thank you."

"Well, I guess I'll just get going," Finn said, reaching for his coat.

"It's late. You should stay. I could show you around campus or something. It's not much, but it's really pretty. Especially when the leaves are changing."

"I'll be fine," Finn said. "The last train's at midnight, so I should be able to catch it."

"Finn-"

"I'll be fine," he repeated, smiling a bit. "I don't belong here, Rachel. We both know that."

She stepped forward and put her arms around him again. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and murmured, "It was really nice seeing you."

She looked up at him and said, "You too, Finn. Be safe getting home."

"I will."

He gave her waist a little squeeze and then he left, the room feeling oddly empty afterwards. She stayed where she was for a moment, her eyes trained on the door, before turning and changing into her pajamas. Her heart was heavy at his leaving, but she thought to herself that at least this time they had a proper ending. She knew he wasn't entirely happy, and if she were being honest neither was she, but she knew without a doubt that it was the right thing.

She walked over to Megan's room where Megan and Jesse were watching some movie playing on MTV. Megan was stretched out on her bed, Jesse sitting on the floor in front of the bed with a pillow propped behind him.

"Hey Rach," Megan said, showing Herculean control in not asking right there about Finn. Jesse lacked such control and asked her point blank, "What happened to Finn?"

She sat down next to him, pulling her knees into her chest. "He went home."

"Home?"

"Back to the army base," she said.

Jesse paused for a moment, his eyes searching hers, before he reached back and centered the pillow behind them. She leaned back and tucked herself into his side, his arm slipping around her waist. She glanced up at him and asked, "Anything else you want to know?"

There was a beat and he said, "Sure. Where in the world did you find _Phantom of the Opera_ flannel pajamas?"

Rachel laughed, poking him in the side. It seemed that aside from the initial questioning, Jesse was willing to let the Finn issue drop, a testament to his change from the boy she met in that music store.

"Daddy had them made special for me," she said.

"You mean, some place actually makes these for profit? I don't know whether to be disturbed or…actually, I'm only coming up with disturbed."

"Oh, pipe down," Megan said. "We all know you have some _Prima Donna_ boxers stashed somewhere."

Rachel laughed, draping her arm across his torso as he twisted back toward Megan and sent her a glare. Megan and Jesse continued with their usual heated repartee as Rachel kept quiet, taking stock of this new life that she somehow found herself in. It wasn't New Directions, but it was still uniquely hers. And she wouldn't change it for the world.

**A/N: Sadly, this is the final chapter. I wasn't planning on it, but the ending just sort of came together and I like it. Also, I'm starting law school on Monday anyway, so my updates would be extremely sparse. Thank you to everyone who has stayed with the story and shared their thoughts and concerns. I loved reading all of your feedback and interacting with you all. **


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